Tuesday, March 11, 2008

sir spitzer of frowny face town

never in the history of all frowny-faced-ahood has there ever been such a frowny face as the frowny face of governer elliot spitzer when he held a press conference admitting to his patronage of one "emperor's club" for high class whoooores (whoops!).

spitzer... code-name, "client 9" (sigh), was just begging to get caught with a code-name like that. code-names should be mysterious. that's the whole point. you don't use a word like "client" in a code-name for a corporate pimp. it spells out your business. and "9"? the whole "number in your code-name" thing is so cliche by now. did he choose the name himself? is he a beatles fan? did the "emperor's club" assign it to him? cuz if they did they should be ashamed of themselves. talk about a bad idea... similarly, if he named himself "client 9" they should have put their foots down and made some other suggestions, governer or not. just off the top of my head, "the big apple" or to throw investigators completely off, maybe "balls mcgee"! "client 9" is a complete failure as a code-name and shows total lack of corporate responsibility- spitzer's "mr. labor task force" (see? another potential code-name right there). i'll bet the "emperor's club" doesn't even provide it's employees a health plan. and if it doesn't, then spitzers a whore loving adulterer AND a hypocrite.

anyways. he's SORRY. leave him alone. look how sad he is already:

he doesn't need people to keep reminding him he's got an $80k+ whore habit. he KNOWS. and he's so so sorry. hence, this historical frowny face. way more frowny than your classic sad face emoticon -> :(
almost putting -> :(
to shame.

but he's not the first of the iconic frowny faces. he's just absolutely tackled the competition.

let us not forget these hauntingly frowny faces:

at the top of the list is my friend jake, he's actually holding his face in the frowny position with his fingers, what's the reason jakey is so sad? well, jake is actually pretending to be just as sad as the sad guy on the atm machine that is "out of cash". so in this pic, we have 2 frowny faces.

next, in the same arena as the spitzer frowny face, but a slightly different sport- this is the former governer of new jersey, jim mcgreevey, standing with his lovely wife at the press conference where he not only admitted to having an extra-marital affair with an employee, but also publicly came out of the closet. wow. double-whammy! the head-down frowny face.

now spitzer and his wife...

shockingly similar. notice how both wives look unsurprised... but spitzer's wife looks way more disappointed in him (aren't we all?). mcgreevey's wife has got the glazed look of someone already planning an autobiography and an oprah appearance (enterprising!).

okay, now from the collection of bill clinton frowny faces...

look at him go! he's good!

and here's a shot of him next to hillary. not only does she not look surprised, but she's also kind of smirking! "ohh, bill, you did it again!" (cue sitcom music)

here's what murderers look like when they're sad (but not really):

here's someone who is making a frowny face but you can't tell:

here's a hot mess frowny face:

here's someone who just lost a temper tantrum and is making a frowny face:

frowny, the lot of 'em! oh, but the absolute frowniest is our little elliot spitzer! he's just so sad. he just wanted whores. it's not a crime. the real crime here is that the hard working employees of the "emperor's club" will probably have to find new jobs and do you know how hard it is out there to find a pimp who treats a bitch right?

annnnnd... just because i found this entertaining and you might too: hillary's response (he's one of her superdelagates...). all the color drained from her face. like a punch to the stomach. good stuff!


gullo said...

Spitzer's an entitled douche. Great post!

Super-Extra said...

If wanting to spend one, stress-free hour a week with an expensive whore is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

ebn50 said...

The best thing about this blog is the Jake's stupid face. Dumb ass...

and I think I might be the only one to actually think Spitzer is a cool dude...now.