Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Pavement, 9/21, 23, 24/10, Central Park, NYC

Pavement, 9/21, 23, 24/10, Rumsey Playfield/Central Park Summerstage, NYC

Before last week, the first and only time I had the absolute pleasure of seeing indie-rock legends Pavement live, was on 10/6/97 at Club Toast, in Burlington, VT. The place was packed and my friend Tyler came down from Montreal for the gig. Trey Anastasio from Phish was standing next to us. Pavement f#%ked our earholes with beautiful loud rock and I can still remember how amazing it felt at the end of the show. It wasn't enough. I wanted more. Jambands have spoiled me with 3 hour shows and I'm almost disappointed when I get anything less than that.

Pavement disbanded abruptly in late 1999 with no real official announcement or send-off, but a cryptic message on their website and the rumor that Stephen Malkmus (SM) had put a pair of handcuffs on his mic one night in Europe and announced "this is what it's like to be in a band". Thusly, most fingers pointed at SM's notoriously inflated ego/attitude as the main reason the band disappeared. All that really concerned me was that my magical Pavement had gone away (leaving a gaping hole in my musical diet) and no one knew if or when they'd ever play together again. Pavement fans were left to fend for ourselves. It was Unfair.

Despite being the probable cause of one of my very favorite band's unraveling, I've followed and enjoyed Stephen Malkmus' solo career. I've stood in pouring rain and lightning storms in Prospect Park and braved the sardine-packed Coney Island in the abysmal July heat to watch SM & the Jicks play 90 minute sets, which are never quite long enough- even in a monsoon. Sometimes, I'm not sure if he hates his fans or if he just doesn't care- maybe a little bit of both. Still, I will never fully understand how something so beautiful (Pavement) to so many people, seemed to become such a burden to him- but he's an eccentric genius-- that's their jam, man. Buy the solo record and move on, I guess.

After making a brief appearance at Bob Nastanovich's wedding in early 2009, last October, Pavement announced they'd be playing a single show in Central Park in September 2010. Friends made plans to fly down from Canada, up from Florida-- everyone would gather to experience Pavement live again. And I would buy tickets a full year in advance. When the Tuesday night show sold out (in 2 minutes), they announced a Wednesday night show. When the Wednesday night show sold out, they announced a Thursday night show. And when the Thursday night show sold out, they announced a Friday night show. When this ticket blitz was over (an hour later?), I had tickets to 3 of the 4 Central Park shows... that were all still an entire year away. And then came the waiting.

During the waiting, Pavement announced a full tour that would take place BEFORE all 4 Central Park shows. That was a little annoying. Still, the positive approach was that everything preceding Central Park, would simply be a soundcheck for Central Park.

In the Spring of 2010, Pavement started rehearsing... and talking to the press. Little by little we learned details of their demise. Speculation that SM's attitude/weirdness was ultimately behind the collapse of a band that meant so much to so many, was pretty much confirmed. Malkmus had even taken to riding the tour bus with a jacket over his head so he didn't have to communicate with his band-mates. Awkward. Supposedly, Spiral Stairs (SS, aka Scott Kannberg) was told to inform the other band members that Pavement was done. I imagine it went down exactly like the Painted Soldiers video. Also, now I want to give Spiral a hug for always being super awesome and writing some of my favorite songs (I ordered his solo album as a first step in coming to terms with the fact that I haven't followed his solo career as closely as SM's). And I want to hug Mark Ibold because he is Mark Ibold.

We also learned in the Klosterman GQ article that the other members of Pavement have wanted to reunite for years. Basically, it sounds like Pavement means more to the other band members than it does to SM. Shit, now I wonder if Pavement means more to me than it does to SM?

Their World Tour started in March 2010. Then in May, Pavement announced they'd be playing at the Brooklyn Waterfront the weekend before the Central Park shows... And I was officially pissed off at Pavement. That seemed like a real dick move. I refused to spend more money on them. This anger simmered for months. Bitter resentment, abandonment issues, and jealousy of everyone who got to see them before me. It made for conflicted anticipation as the shows grew closer. I had nightmares of them walking onstage, playing a robotic 90 minute set, flipping us all off, and leaving. So- mostly, I was hoping that I still liked Pavement when the Central Park shows were over. Talk about stress.

TUESDAY, 9/21/10

DAY OF SHOW 1!!!! FUCKING, FIIIIIINALLY!!!!! In the month/weeks leading up to the shows, it became clear that people were not flying down from Canada, or up from Florida. Nor were they driving from Massachusetts. And that the only people interested in my newly-extra'd tickets seemed to live in California. Essentially, I'd better derive sheer joy from Pavement's performances, because they'd over-saturated the market and I wasn't gonna make my money back. People couldn't give their extras away. Fuck it! Less tall people to block my view.

Pavement walked out from their trailer and onto the stage, to cheering fans who had been waiting a full year for this moment. It was actually happening!!! They opened with Shady Lane and I had immediately forgiven them. They sounded great, maybe a bit nervous at first, but it all loosened up and came together at some point quickly thereafter. Then it was just like rapid fire punches to the gut. Frontwards, Heckler Spray > Elevate Me Later (!!!!!!), Starlings, Stereo, Kennel District (siiiigh)... Loud, embracing, Pavement. Awesome. Warm mushy melty insides. Pavement. At last!

Mark Ibold and Spiral Stairs were running around smiling, Stephen Malkmus mostly stood guard over his mic and behind his hair (that's his thing), Steve West (who also rules) was climbing on his kit, and Bob Nastanovich was possessed.

Shit, who cared what they played, as long as they were playing it! Grounded, Rattled By The Rush (!!!), We Dance, In The Mouth of A Desert-- with those fucking scorching guitar wails. It was powerful and LOUD. They were having FUN. Perfume-V and Unfair. Which oddly enough, is when I could have sworn I was being pranked on film. Fran Drescher's retarded cousin who was shit-faced, plopped herself right in back of us. She was singing, but not the words, and always as if she were a set of bagpipes being stomped on with a steel-toed boot. Loudly. She disappeared or went mute after Unfair, cuz I managed not to notice after that. This was especially cool cuz a tall boy gave me his spot (thanks! That's *GOLD STAR CHIVALRY*!) and I could finally see the whole stage! I wasn't moving.

Fin was beautiful. Gold Soundz was more warmth and love. Debris Slide was abrasive (a good abrasive). Range Life (singalongs!), Trigger Cut (hooky, bright, energetic).

They had to start Cut Your Hair twice, which is cute considering they've probably played it every night this tour (and again over a decade ago). Some people seem to roll their eyes at Cut Your Hair, but I love that song. If it weren't for that song, I may never have heard Pavement at the right place & time to spark me into the Crooked Rain loving Pavement fan-girl I am today. The day I get tired of hearing Pavement sing Cut Your Hair, LIVE, in-person, is a day I welcome- because that would mean I'd get to see Pavement play at least a shit-ton more shows in my lifetime. "That's a pretty snazzy hair-cut!"

It was all good. Everyone was smiling. Dark, humorous, cryptic, twisting, beautiful adventures in every song. Ahhh, Pavement!

There were even some lovely extended jammy sections here and there. Perfect Depth, Fight This Generation, Box Elder (YES)... Encore: Date With Ikea (all smiles), Shoot the Singer, Conduit for Sale! (brash-- a good brash), Silence Kid, Heaven Is A Truck (haunting and great, with a nice pretty little jam at the end), and a wonderful Stop Breathin'. How are these guys not more popular amongst the jamband scene? Where is the appreciation? My head asplode.

All throughout the show, Pavement thanked the crowd for selling the shows out so quickly and for not losing their tickets. They also kind of apologized for booking a full tour before the Central Park shows, and announced that "these are the real first shows" (see?). More apologies about the excessive amount of extras floating around. I had already forgiven them (they had me at "blinded") for everything, but it was nice to hear these little things addressed directly. I may have suggested they buy my extra back (loudly), but that's neither here nor there.

Man, have I missed Pavement.

The band were smiling and so was the crowd. That's a pretty fucking satisfying (first) reunion show. I am still glad I bought tickets for these shows a year in advance. Missing this was not an option.

Shady Lane / Frontwards / Heckler Spray / Ell Ess Two / Starlings of the Slipstream / Stereo / Kennel District / Grounded / Rattled By The Rush / We Dance / In The Mouth A Desert / Perfume-V / Unfair / Fin / Gold Soundz / Debris Slide / Range Life / Trigger Cut / Cut Your Hair / Perfect Depth / Fight This Generation / Box Elder
ENCORE: Date With IKEA / Shoot The Singer / Conduit For Sale! / Silent Kid / Heaven Is A Truck / Stop Breathin’
DL THE SHOW!! Thanks, NYC Taper! (not to be confused with NYC Tapir)

WEDNESDAY, 9/22/10

Wednesday I went to the Yanks/Rays game with my Mom. The bullpen was a total shit-show. There was a 2 hour 11 minute rain delay. I hear it rained in Central Park too.

Heckler Spray / In The Mouth A Desert / Perfume-V / Trigger Cut / Unfair / Range Life / Starlings Of The Slipstream / Spizzle Trunk / Shady Lane / Fight This Generation / Summer Babe / Cut Your Hair / Kennel District / Gold Soundz / Zurich Is Stained / Stereo
**10 minute break as electrical storm passes over the park **
The Hexx / Two States / Spit On A Stranger / Grounded / Silent Kid / Father To A Sister Of Thought / Stop Breathin’
ENCORE: Date With Ikea / Feed ‘Em To The Lions (Linden) / Here // Conduit For Sale!
DL THE SHOW!! Thanks, NYC Taper!

THURSDAY, 9/23/10

Thursday morning I was soooo psyched for more Pavement! Friends came down from Ithaca for the show and we pregamed with margaritas at Harry's on the Upper West Side. Originally, we were gonna cab-it to the show, but Secret Service shut down the roads (UN in session + The President was in town all week = total clusterfuck in the city). So instead, we took a lovely walk through the park to the show. Once inside, it was a quick trip to the merch booth and we scored some great real estate at the inner-outer rail SM-side, the same spot I was able to see the entire band from on Tuesday night. FUCK YEAH, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

Here's a good spot to mention that I really didn't pay any attention to the opening bands at any of these shows. Sorry. Nothing personal. *insert Sad Trombone sfx*

Also, no play-by-play for Thursday's show. The show was awesome. Being there (again) felt right. Highlights: a beautiful and heart-wrenching Spit On A Stranger, a noisy and moody Fight This Generation, a gorgeous Fin, they ROCKED Kennel District, Heckler Spray, & Box Elder.

The band was business as usual and in a good mood. SM sounded slightly slurry at times and confessed to getting a lobotomy earlier in the day. It was endearing. Classic Pavement. He told us why the song Cut Your Hair changed his life- he got to move out of a studio apartment and into a 1-bedroom and that is why he will always love it.

I was a little disappointed in the amount of songs repeated from Tuesday, but again- I'm completely spoiled by jambands and as a reunion show, they hit the Important Points. They did mix it up a whole bunch, peppered in some randoms, and in no way were any of these shows identical. However, there were so many more/other songs I would have loved to hear: Blue Hawaiian, Passat Dream (siiigh), Folk Jam, Painted Soldiers, ... and Carrot Rope! 3 nights of Pavement and I'm bitching about repeats. Someone call the WAAAAHmbulance.

Stacking it up: Thursdays' show was a ton of fun, but Tuesday's show had some really intense energy that will forever hold a special place in my heart. Tuesday turned my insides to goo. Thursday, my insides were full of tequila, which is awesome in it's own way.

Poor Heidi got a migraine mid-show, I tried to convince her it was the Universe's way of telling her she needed to come on Friday too.

Grounded / Gold Soundz / Silent Kid / Date With IKEA / Unfair / Spit On A Stranger / Rattled By The Rush / Stereo / Loretta’s Scars / Frontwards / Stop Breathin’ / Shoot The Singer / Trigger Cut / Cut Your Hair / Fight This Generation / Two States / Fin / Summer Babe / She Believes / Range Life
Kennel District / Shady Lane / Starlings of the Slipstream / Our Singer / Heckler Spray - Mellow Jazz Docent tease / In The Mouth A Desert / We Dance / Box Elder
DL THE SHOW!! Thanks, NYC Taper!

Thursday's not-quite-full moon over Pavement.

FRIDAY, 9/24/10

Friday night I met up with Mark and Jenna. We talked of monkeys and hopped in a Suicide Cab^ up to the park -> blocked streets, Secret Service Agents, "International Incidents" involving the Gotcha Media, etc., etc..

The show started off with a really loud, loose, and dominant Heckler Spray. A huge start to a huge show. In The Mouth Of A Desert was really satisfying and passionate. The crowd was singing along loudly. It was Friday night and no one was holding back. There was a lot of love in the room. Frontwards was beautiful. Spit On A Stranger was a lovely kind of space-y.

Shady Lane and sometime around then we tried to find a better spot to stand. I couldn't see at all (sadness!) and there was a really loud backup singer to our right... We wandered and finally ended up in a fairly better spot: on the raised deck in the VIP section on SS's side. Yah, slightly better. Thanks, Marquis. Also, I just have to mention this cuz I've had a million tall assholes stand in front of me at all types of shows who end up obstructing my view- but at this moment on this night, my line of vision was perfectly clear *because* of the person standing in front of me: a little person standing on a chair. HUZZAHS!

Spiral belted out an amazing Date With Ikea and thanked NYC afterwards-- he meant it. Grounded was wailing. They were playing with their souls... and we were eating it up! This might have been when Pavement fell in love with their Central Park audience. They played an aggressive Cut Your Hair, Perfume-V, and an inspired Conduit For Sale! kept it going- this was a ton of energy. Steve Goss, the dude who won the Jimmy Fallon contest and got to play Unfair on-air with Pavement the previous night- helped Bob scream along. Father To A Sister Of Thought slowed things down a bit but Stereo brought the electricity right back up, the whole place was bouncing and singing along. Starlings was wonderful. I hoped that the Secret Service agents lining the streets at the fancy Function that had the street closed down were paying attention. Gold Soundz was brilliant, comforting, cathartic. I was *SO* psyched to hear The Hexx!!! Mark and Spiral were freakin' glowing. Even Stephen Malkmus was smiling!!!

During We Dance, Mrs. Bob Nastanovich came out and danced with her husband, which was quite adorable.

Then... THE BEST SILENCE KID EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! We were rocking the fuck out! Unfair, with Bob going totally beserk. Awesomeness. No Life Singed Her, Trigger Cut (wonderful and everyone was singing along), Stop Breathin' (haunting, another huge singalong), Elevate Me Later (a super-spirited trip), and a sweet Here to close out the set.

The great energy continued through the encores, starting with a huge Rattled By The Rush, a hypnotizing space-y Heaven Is A Truck, and a howling Summer Babe in which I happily watched Mark Ibold singing along while grinning ear-to-ear.

Pavement stood on the side of the stage and waited for us to cheer them on for the 2nd encore. The showmanship! Encore 2! A dreamy Kennel District (starring SS), then a rockin Debris Slide. Range Life was a wonderful goodbye to their 4 night run in Central Park. They brought out their friend Bryce Goggin to play a mini keyboard (he played keyboard on the album version), and this closed out the show. With the ending note, Spiral fell over.

Again, all through the show, Pavement used every opportunity to thank the crowd and it was genuine. The love was particularly warm and mushy Friday night.

Friday's was the type of show that repeatedly gave me goose-bumps. It happened again as I listened to the recording. If there is any hope of Pavement ever making new music together or even touring again, that Friday night show in Central Park should be all the reason they will ever need. Well, that and money of course. Either way, I'm in!

Heckler Spray / In The Mouth A Desert / Frontwards / Spit On A Stranger / Shady Lane / Date With IKEA / Grounded / Cut Your Hair / Perfume-V / Conduit For Sale! / Father To A Sister Of Thought / Stereo / Starlings Of The Slipstream / Gold Soundz / The Hexx / We Dance / Silent Kid / Unfair / No Life Singed Her / Trigger Cut / Stop Breathin’ / Ell Ess Two / Here
Rattled By The Rush / Heaven Is A Truck / Summer Babe
Kennel District / Debris Slide / Range Life
DL THE SHOW!! Thanks, NYC Taper!

Summing up: Tuesday was really special. Thursday was awesome too. Friday was beyond epic. Friday was the **GOLD STAR NIGHT WINNER** of this run!

It was really refreshing to see them all up there smiling and enjoying themselves. They did a whole damn tour together and they're still happy, so there's no reason to believe it won't happen again. I will miss them for however long it is in-between shows. Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting...
Dear Pavement,
Thank you for 3 (more) beautiful nights of music. Come back soon (10 years is kind of a long time, yah?). I miss you already.
Love, me
What was also abundantly clear is that the Pavement crowd is kinda chock full of hotties. This left me wondering where they all scatter to when Pavement's not playing? Cuz I'm pretty sure like none of them are seeing moe..

Pavement (it still feels good to type that out), 9/21, 23, & 24/10, Central Park: 10 FUCKING HUZZAHS!

SATURDAY, 9/25/10

Saturday morning I woke up with the hiccups. It lasted all day and into the wee early hours of Sunday morning. Still experiencing random bursts of hiccups into the wee early hours of Thursday morning. Pavement withdrawal, perhaps? Surely the shakes must be next.

Do yourself a favor and DL these shows! Thanks again to NYC Taper, for the outstanding recordings!


^ You know that feeling at the exact moment you realize you've gotten into the wrong cab? Dying before the Friday night Pavement show would have sucked.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Ween, 9/17/10, Central Park, NYC

Ween, 9/17/10, Central Park Summerstage, NYC

And now for my Ween review, featuring The Great Ticket Debacle of 2010 to start off the night. Months ago, Erika and I decided to trade +1's for 2 shows at opposite ends of the Summer. Primus Faith No More at the Williamsburg Waterfront and Ween at Central Park. She got the Primus Faith No More tickets and I got the Ween tickets. I had been well aware of this arrangement, even to go so far as putting it into my calendar with the note "Erika is our +1".

Yet somehow, DOS, I said to myself, "Oh, I don't have to bring any tickets to this show, cuz Erika has this one". I only realized that was wrong when standing outside the entrance to the concert, on the phone with Erika (who was speed-walking from Yorkville to the show, which totally started on time, cuz it's Central Park.), who declared incredulously, "No, Lynn-- YOU have the tickets!" Me: That's crazy talk, you have th--- OH FUCK! (as I pictured the envelope with the Ween tickets on top of my stereo, which I had written "ween x 2") -> me buying Kochman's & some random chick's extra. There would be no trip to the merch booth that night. Bad Lynn, no merch.

Side-note: I was wearing a purple Phish Summer 2010 Tour t shirt and was approached by a dirty wook out front who wanted to know if it was a Phish t shirt. When I replied "yep", he immediately offered to sell me drugs. I have no idea what type of drugs, because it was some wacky code-name ("you have what?") that the kids use, but I wasn't really interested in finding out. "No... Thank you?"

At 7:30, the line to get into the Ween show was all the way down and twisting around the Drive. It looked as if they had closed the gates for a little while (no idea why), but then the show started at 7:32 and the (at least) hundreds of people still stuck on this line were not happy. For me, I may be doomed to never make it into a Ween show on time ever again, so I'm used to this shit by now. You can hear everything from outside the gate at Rumsey Playfield, but you're not really at the show until you are being blasted by the music inside. We finally walked in during Take Me Away and it sounded great.

It's nearly impossible to get a clear view of the stage at Rumsey Playfield if you're short. It's a losing battle. And then of course, the Ween crowd was like 94% shit-faced drunk male*, so a short girl ain't gonna win. In fact, I would consistently rank Ween shows up there at the top of the list of Shows I Get Shoved Around At. This is also exactly why I try to stay "friends" with the Ween crowd- because it's really hard to tell if some of them are a split second away from punching you in the face at any given moment. Salvo had an interesting theory on it- Ween have 2 kinds of fans: FAN A) The fans who enjoy loud jammy guitar rock like Ween but also appreciate jambands like moe., Phish, etc. (ie- hippies like us.). And FAN B) The fans that hate hippies like us. If ever a fight were to actually break out- although I am a hippie like me, I would still want to be on whatever side the FAN B's were on. They scare me.

someone snuck a giraffe into the show!

Halfway through the show, Ween busted into a mind-boggling and out-of-control cover of Bowie's Let's Dance-- absolutely brilliant. Around this time, we found some more of our friends on the far outskirts of chuck.side. There ain't nothing like a happy crew of friends to enjoy a show with! I didn't take a photo cuz my flash is all wonky, but here's an artist's rendering that captures the love perfectly.

Baumy totally called Spinal Meningitis.

At some point in the night, the Gener was standing at the end of the stage, radiating his rocker wonderfulness-- and I was ever-so-happy he is alive. The setlist was strong, lots of variety. They were shredding. Fancy Pants was a bit too over-the-top, sometimes their borderline parody stuff eludes me. Mark later made a similar comment about the entire show. I enjoyed pretty much everything else!

Since you've already read the majority of this review, this seems as good a time as any to tell you that while my body was at the Ween show, all I could really think about was Pavement. 3 days with one of my favorite bands of all time was fast approaching. As I type out this review, I also have a copy of the Pavement review open-- because it's really all I'm thinking about.

After the show, we played everyone's favorite game: Is Salvo's Car Still There? And it was! Yaaay! Salvo 1, Gossip Girl 0! Suck it, Gossip Girl!

Have Ween ever used pyrotechnics? If not, they should seriously consider it, even if it's just for special shows. It would just feel right.

Sorry folks, the ol' A.D.D. has clearly kicked into full gear! Ween, 9/17/10, Rumsey Playfield, Central Park, NYC: 6.9 HUZZAHS!

Buckingham Green
She Wanted To Leave
Bananas & Blow
Learnin' To Live
Transdermal Celebration
Up On A Hill
Take Me Away
Don't Get 2 Close 2 My Fantasy
Even If You Don't
Push Th' Little Daises
Sorry Charlie
Voodoo Lady
Happy Colored Marbles
Stallion Pt. 3
Ice Castles>
The Final Alarm
My Own Bare Hands
Your Party
Let's Dance
Touch My Tooter
You Fucked Up
Stroker Ace
Waving My Dick In The Wind
Fancy Pants
Waynes Pet Youngin
The Goin' Gets Touch
Johnny On The Spot
The Mollusk
Spinal Meningitis
Mister Won't You Please Help My Pony
Roses Are Free

Mr. Richard Smoker
Dr. Rock



*GSW's Friday night Gramercy show in July still had more dudes, but only a weeeeeeee bit more.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Todd Snider & John Prine, 9/10/10, Governors Island, NYC

Todd Snider & John Prine, 9/10/10, Governors Island, NYC

A couple of days after moe.down xi, my friend Mark texted me and wanted to know if I was "doing anything Jew-ey on Friday night" (9/10). When I realized that Friday was Rosh Hashanah, the text made more sense, and I confirmed my clearance. I had planned nothing Jew-ey, aside from probably blowing my allergy-stuffed nose multiple times and possibly saving some money. Thusly, he invited me to go see Todd Snider and John Prine with him at Governors Island-- which was totes awesome, but also meant I'd have to get on a boat^. Oh lawdy, lawdy!

What was particularly cool about this show, is that I didn't know that I already knew who John Prine was (Mark was like, "You fucking know who John Prine is."), until I looked him up and saw who he was! Ohhhh, THAT guy! Fucking cool!!" John Prine is an American songwriting legend. Johnny Cash used to cover his songs. Dude wrote "Angel In Montgomery"! Famously covered by Bonnie Raitt, less famously (but just as wonderfully) covered by Murky Currents- Tom Pirozzi and Max Verna of Ominous Seapods. Also- Todd Snider is fucking AWWWESOME. Hot diggity damn, this show was gonna KICK ASS!

But first, the boat. Ohhh, the boat. I met up with Mark, a Mike, and then suddenly a gaggle of people and we were all slowly herded onto the boat. As soon as we launched, the 9/11 Towers Of Light Memorial switched on, which was a sad reminder, but also very beautiful. Annnnd-- I didn't puke (at all)! Which was the best! Suc-cess!

When we offloaded, Todd Snider was walking on stage and we had to waaaaaait on another line to get in. Fortunately, we could hear everything as the venue is right on the beach (across from the southern tip of Manhattan). However, I like to see Todd Snider too, so I wanted IN. The place was starting to pack in and people from this last Ferry-batch were finding their spots. We darted past the tacky flashing neon palm trees (???) into the GA seated section to absorb the Todd Snider portion of the evening. This was my 2nd time seeing him and he is just so freakin' spectacular. Honest songwriting, humorous rage, and beautiful stories to tie it all together. He's brilliant and typically barefoot, but not this night. Some guy from the crowd wanted to know "what's up with the shoes?" Snider's response was "it's fucking freezing out!" Hearts.

Soon it was time for John Prine, a teeny, jovial guy, who doesn't ever seem to stop smiling, and has a huge stage presence that locks-in the audience in and never lets go. I have a theory on this, and that is: he is a thin candy shell, filled with chocolate. He was singing Sam Stone, to quote Mark, "The saddest song you'll ever hear." It's about a War Vet who is addicted to Heroin and includes the lyrics, "There's a hole in Daddy's arm, where all the money goes." and everyone who is listening to this, is SMILING... Full of chocolate!

Prine plays with a bass player (Dave Jacques) to his left, and an additional guitar player (Jason Wilber) to his right. These guys were straight-up pros. You can tell they've been playing together for years- it was all really fluid and they were having a lot of fun up there too. They apparently weren't always a trio and I am really curious as to what they were like with drums, keys, etc.. That lineup probably rocked too.

Prine sang a song called "Space Monkey", about a heroic and culturally shocked Space Monkey who was shot up into space by the Soviet Union in the 50's and didn't come down til the '90's, after Communism had collapsed, and it was a whole different world. Poor Space Monkey. This song may have changed my life forever. More songs should end with the words, "Space Monkey".

Todd Snider came out to help sing one of the encores, Paradise- which is exactly when Mark and I ran to the front rail to take pictures, like 15 year old girls. WTF?

Even though we were in the seated area, we stood on the side for the entire set. Sitting felt weird and standing was also keeping the blood flowing- it was chilly! Being layered up at a Fall show rules!

The beach on Governors Island was a pretty cool venue. One thing that kept catching me off guard were the well-timed foghorns from the Staten Island ferries passing right by. There were also a couple of boats filled with people that had anchored right next to the venue to enjoy the show, which was pretty freakin' neat (though, I'd totally puke).

The crowd provided for some real interesting People Watching. There was a particularly shitfaced woman near us who was like the 8th Wonder of the World- because I don't know how she got to the island... Does the Port Authority ship transients down the river now? She must have been psyched when she heard John Prine was coming. When Sam Stone began, she screamed out "OOOHTHIS ISH DA FUCKING ONE!!! ... oh no it's not..." (It wasn't so much a speech impediment as it was The Sauce and some missing teefs.). Mark said, "y'know I really don't ever want to see her vagina", but I think he did miss her once she vanished into The Battery. *insert foghorn*

The show felt like I was witnessing musical history-in-the-making, so I'm going with that. Between Todd Snider and John Prine, it was country-folk rock-Americana American Songwriting personified. It was a really special night.

After the show was a real treat too, I got to meet John Prine and his band (passed Todd Snider in the hallway-- swoooon). Everyone was super-nice, but the best part of the entire night was when the one and only Mr. John Prine himself, read us the story on the back of his Popcorn, Indiana bag of popcorn (apparently, made in Englewood, NJ). Then he lifted the bag up and made it dance around to the words "Popcorn, Indiana!"... I SHIT YOU NOT. Filled with chocolate!

And then I had to get on a Water-Taxi. UGH.

So, I guess the answer was ultimately, yes, Mark. I was doing something Jew-ey on Friday night (besides blowing my nose and saving some money)- and that was: neurotically concentrating on trying not to get sea-sick on a 5 minute ferry ride to Governors Island... and then again on the Water-Taxi ride back. Supplemented by a morbid curiosity of whether John Prine would write a song about it, if I puked right there in front of him while we were passing the (monumentally well-lit) Battery Tunnel's ventilation facility... And I hoped that song would end with the words "Space Monkey".

Todd Snider & John Prine, 9/10/10, Governors Island Beach, NYC: 8 HUZZAHS!

SETLIST (KINDA). These are some songs that Mark remembers (thanks for the notes AND the +1, Mark!) John Prine playing, in no particular order:
Spanish Pipedream
That's the Way the World Goes Round
Sam Stone
Lake Marie
Glory Of True Love
Bruised Orange
Donald & Lydia
Hello In There
Grandpa Was A Carpenter
Christmas In Prison
Fish & Whistle
Sabu Visits The Twin Cities
Angel From Montgomery
Space Monkey
Picture Show
Bear Creek Blues
Speed At The Sound Of Loneliness
Sins of Memphisto
Please Don't Bury Me (1st Encore)
Paradise (2nd Encore w/ Todd S)


^ I am no good on boats.

Friday, September 17, 2010

moe.down xi, 9/3-5/10, mohawk, ny

moe.down xi, 9/3-5/10, mohawk, ny

LYNN'S NOTE: is currently hosting a slightly toned down version of this review, but I felt compelled to pimp it out here, full-force as per tradition- with gratuitous photos of my friends and our shenanigans throughout the weekend. So, please consider this the "Bells & Whistles" version of my moe.down review. A Special Edition, if you will. Please note, I also did a special moe.down Survival Guide for that appeared before the festival-- don't forget to check it out and keep it in mind when you're getting psyched & packing for moe.down xii!

What I do want to add to my review below, is that I look forward to moe.down all year. And as I stood there watching Phish at Jones Beach last month, I realized I was actually thinking about how awesome moe.down was going to be...

THURSDAY, 9/2/10

Utica, NY. By the time I got to the Red Roof Inn on Thursday night, my running crew were already 1/2 through a plastic bottle of Canadian Mist Whiskey (& a 3 liter of Root Beer) and a few sixers of Guinness & Old Chub. Adding to the fun was Screaming Chicken, a noisy little fella first introduced to us in this (horribly shot) video a few days prior.

I'm not going to get into the reason he had it because it would probably offend some of you. So, let's just start with-- my buddy Hern had a Screaming Chicken (that he took from his mom) and it apparently NEEDED to run for Mayor of moe.ville. This would be el Herno's 2nd run as a Mayoral Campaign Manager (the first being my unsuccessful, yet ultimately groundbreaking campaign in '02). With Screaming Chicken, the main goal was to get him onstage and watch the band enjoy him... Winning the election would just be a bonus.

Regardless, it's fair to say the sounds emanating from room 237 that night most definitely traumatized neighbors, but at least we had settled on a campaign strategy. WAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAH!

FRIDAY, 9/3/10

8:00AM. Parking lot breakfast > Kwik-E-Mart for ice, coffee, and in the case of the self-proclaimed, "Wookie Paul Begala”, a florescent green "sour apple" squishy that would send him over the edge.

We were a caravan of 6 cars and arrived at the Gelston Castle grounds by 9AM, where they herded us into LOT 1. We were psyched about this cuz on the map, Lot 1 doesn't look too far from the campsite, but if you were to look at a topographical map of the place, it'd be a totally different story. The strategy was to go claim some land on the first trip in and hopefully only have to do 3 total trips in/out. Once we started on the journey we realized the reality of our situation. 3 trips might kill us. Most of the hike in was uphill on really slippery gravel roads and (especially dragging equipment) it certainly felt a hell of a lot longer than 1/4 mile. Said map was already misleading. That map is a douchebag.

On our first walk in, I noticed some beautiful moe. Tibetan Prayer Flags flapping in the wind. It was very calming, but it was only making the haul slightly more tolerable.

The section of campground that had been labeled as "family camping" was practically full by 9:30AM. We were forced to walk towards the supposed "not so quiet side" which we were hoping to avoid altogether (and in the long run, that side may have actually ended up as "the quiet side" since no one wanted to walk that far). El Herno, hungover and having catalyzed his digestive system with squishy, refused to walk any further once we got to the main intersection near the RV lot. We tried to talk some festival-sense into him, but he was sweating whiskey sugar, threw his stuff down, and vanished like sasquatch.

We nestled ourselves as far into a buffered zone as possible. At least there was enough space for all of us to camp together. RV's were already spilling out into the tent camping. The campground was just too small. Later in the day, the venue would mow.down (see what I did there?) more tall grass on-the-fly in order to create even more space for tents. I heard this new expansion and the farthest side of the camping area were kinda wet and swampy, but I never ventured that far down to check it out for myself. I was already sick of walking.

They ran some golf carts with flatbeds attached- the moe.down Express, but there weren't nearly enough of them and there was absolutely no system to try and obtain one. No taxi stand, no nothing. This led to massive corruption via bribery. Kat, who is handicapped, spoke to Security and was able to obtain a cart after a short wait. Hern, on the other hand, waited for 3 hours to get his Marine Cooler in on one. The rest of us hoofed it.

Security was thorough, some more than others. One of the heavies was apparently going through people's wallets. Fucking seriously? I'm curious if that type of search ever actually pays off at the end of a day? Can we see some numbers on this?

What had also immediately caught my attention in the campgrounds was the presence of shower trailers! Freakin' fabulous! After our 3rd and final horrible trek in from the cars (at that point it was like 97 BAZILLION degrees and humid), we spent the wisest $10 of the weekend- taking the very first showers in the trailers. Changed my whole outlook on life. Reset me for the start of moe.down xi. YAY!

Heat and sleep deprivation threatened to get the better of me, but napping didn’t happen. The one time I felt myself drifting off into Happy Sleepyland, I heard the ever-growing WAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAH's of Screaming Chicken, who was eventually perched at my window. Around this time, awesome visitors started stopping through, so no rest for the weary! It was great to start seeing all my random moe.ron friends in the same place, at the same time. That's pretty much what it's all aboot and it made me feel much better. So did the Advil, Gatorade, and edamame.

the self-proclaimed "wookie paul begala"

he had him at "WAAAAH!"

It became clear from our first walk into the concert area (at least, once we got to the top of THAT hill) why moe. chose this particular spot. We were standing on top of a ridge overlooking the entire Mohawk Valley. It was breathtaking. Those motherfuckers.

Both the Main and "Buzz" stages were at the bottom of this gigantic hill, which would apparently require much climbing. Go figure. I tried to calculate out how many times total I would have to walk down/climb back and came to the conclusion these trips would need to be rationed each day. Which bands would earn my pain? I needed a sandwich to think this over and got a "loaded grilled cheese" from Dave's Mini Donuts-- melty Cheese, Bacon, & Tomato on Texas Toast (no 3rd layer of bread on the inside, cuz I’m not a fucking animal.). It was an inspiring combination and I was officially ready to rock! First impression of the vendors: too many burritos and where was John Street Graphics?

"loaded grilled cheese" sans completely unnecessary 3rd slice of toast.

the crumbling ruins of Gelston Castle

The sound at the top of the hill was brilliant and I enjoyed a chunk of Tortoise with my sammich, but from what I recall, they seemed to have ended early and that was disappointing. The Macpodz hit the Buzz stage and were totally rockin'. They really did a great job prepping the grounds for 3 days of fun.

My musical priority at moe.down is seeing all the moe. sets, so there are always a few bands that get lost in the shuffle, especially when the lineups are strong. Due to general exhaustion, I didn't see as much music on Friday as originally intended. I actually skipped Nas and Damian Marley to rest up for moe. and prep for the impending WEATHER. Nasty looking chunks of Hurricane Earl were breaking off the main storm and racing our way. I fucking hate hurricanes that start with the letter "E".

It was the beginning of the weekend and Security hadn't given up yet, so we allowed for extra time to get into the concert site for moe. before making the first of many treks down that shiteously grand hill. Finally, moe. came out and just beat the shit out of us with music. Highlights from this first set were… pretty much the whole thing. Z0Z > Time Again (*love*) > Punchline was spectacular (and carthartic as always). They lost me a little bit with Blue Jeans Pizza -> Captain America, but Puebla -> George was fucking dark and EPIC. They twisted it up and took it someplace new. Absolute brilliance. moe. at their best-- why you love moe.. To make it even more intense, the rain arrived- absolute shitstorms exploded over us- and the band, as they should- played harder!! The crowd threw on their rain layers and stayed put! WE WILL OBEY OUR MASTERS! Brent Black -> Akimbo just wrapped the evil into a big freakin' bow. After the encore break they started right back in with Brent Black > Billy Goat which worked really well as a combo. I dig that I'm digging the new songs and will continue to pat myself on the back for it. Billy Goat was stuck in my head for the rest of the night.

Despite the rain, it wasn't too cold out Friday night, so we definitely lucked out with that, but I still needed a little tequila to warm me back up before bed. Fucking awful floodlight in the campground. "That thing is death on death's wheels" - Chris Fordice

Zed Naught Z >
Time Again ->
Waiting For The Punchline
Blue Jeans Pizza >
Captain America ->
Puebla ->
Brent Black ->

Brent Black >
Billy Goat

DL THE SHOW! (thanks, Scott Bernstein!)

SATURDAY, 9/4/10

I awoke around 6am on Saturday morning because Kat was screaming at a drummer who'd been going since post-moe. around 2am. Then Hern definitely threatened to shove the drum up dude’s ass, sideways.

The 2nd time I woke up because we were setting out on our first Saturday Quest. Chris Fordice, who hadn't cut his hair since 2/2009, was heading over to the Kids Tent to donate his long hippay ponytail to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths Program, who create wigs for cancer patients undergoing chemo. He's a do-gooder. It was the 2nd year of the moe.down hair-drive. The sky was looking ominous and the wind started picking up.

> Java Junction for my first cup of 2010. Spectacular! > Unfortunately, not the Punch Brothers for us, cuz the sky was all, "storm's comin'"... We went on Official Tarp-Duty and Earl started viciously bitch-slapping us.

... it's just not the same.

The skies finally cleared up a short while before moe.'s afternoon set, which was a relief. When we tried to get inside we were met with an absolute clusterfuck of a line (and some people attempting to find short-cuts through the marsh).

We waited in line about 10-15 minutes before they finally gave up and just asked to see wristbands to get in. About time. By the end of the weekend, security realized we were mostly a danger to ourselves, and had turned to confiscating cans of beer that people had duct taped to their bodies for fun (true story).

The place was buzzing and moe. needed to warm us up! The winds were an issue (forecast was calling for a few 50+ mph gusts) and the top of the stage and lighting rig needed to be lowered. As campers, we were left hoping for the best, but it was time to rock the fuck out! Skrunk > Lazarus. Someone mentioned that it was odd to hear Lazarus during the day, which I could see, but it was wonderful regardless. Still not a fan of the > Spine, instead of just starting with the singing. Blah blah blah, trying something new, etc..

NYC brought out the Kids Tent Parade- and it was lookin' mighty crowded this year. Are they just getting bigger or are there more of them now? I definitely won't mention the 9/11 joke that got a beautiful GROAN out of the crowd. Next year's Kid's Tent theme: Rec Chem!

A ruckus St. Augustine > energetic 32 Things, spirited Y.O.Y.. The guys were having a lot of fun, running around and striking poses. It was really cute. Al was on fucking FIYAH during the afternoon set!

I checked out Monkey Wrench for a few minutes and then had to go charge my phone in the car for a while. The music was crystal clear from Lot 1 and I got to enjoy all of Monkey Wrench and Built To Spill, who were rockin' (went to check them out on the hill once the phone was juiced). The wind was intense at times and once back at camp, I saw the carnage. Our main canopy got tossed, but our neighbors' (who were *GOLD STAR NEIGHBORS*!) EZ-Up was apparently ripped out of the ground by a gust and 1 of the metal legs was actually sheared off. Damn! It seemed like the worst was behind us though, and the forecast had finally stopped calling for rain.

Sunsetty skies over Built To Spill

the moe.ville p.j.'s

Saturday night got cold, but it was really quite beautiful. We escorted el Herno over to the merch tent where he officially registered Screaming Chicken as a Mayoral Candidate. History in-the-making, folks.

Orgone was owning the Buzz stage all night, they were a nice funky score (all the way from LA) and I’ll definitely check 'em out again. Hopefully they'll be in NYC more with what will surely be increased demand.

We found a sweet pocket of sound/sight near the tapers and settled in. Plane Crash opener, but then > a ridiculous SET of moe.tastical madness. I *loved* Friday night's set, but the Saturday PM set was just out of control! One after the other!!! > Hector's Pillow > Bring You Down, Daydreaming, Paranoid Android (SPOOKY) > Ricky Marten > Time Ed, SOMP > Bearsong > a hard Runaway Overlude > A SUPER-SATISFYING Rec Chem!!! I've been waiting for that kind of Rec Chem for a year and moe. delivered! Worth the wait! Not Coming Down > Wormwood > Plane Crash. They did cut out the Plane Crash middle-man so-to-speak, and I'll take it! Then a super awesome Faker to tuck us all in for the night. Love, moe..

Turbine played a late night set in the RV area. They were loud, but at least they were good.

Also, no band-swaps or special guests (yet)? Curious.

Skrunk >
Lazarus >
Spine Of A Dog
New York City
St. Augustine >
32 Things


Plane Crash >
Hector's Pillow >
Bring You Down
Paranoid Android >
Ricky Marten >
Time Ed
Seat Of My Pants >
Bearsong >
Runaway Overlude >
Recreational Chemistry
Not Coming Down >
Wormwood >
Plane Crash


DL THE SHOW! (thanks, Scott Bernstein!)

SUNDAY, 9/5/10

On Sunday AM, we awoke to our canopy down (again) and some of the buffer-tents already being taken down as people prepped to leave that night. Losing the buffer tents always worries me, but the combination of that, the now lack of canopies (along with their privacy), and our proximity to the main drag-- it wasn't gonna be a pretty scene in the late-night.

But we'll worry about that later, eh? Sunday was a packed schedule. I headed in for Ryan Montbleau Band (and Java Junction) and they were freakin' awesome. Am I becoming a Ryan Montbleau Band fan? Stayed in for Grace Potter & the Nocturnals. Last year at Bonnaroo, their set kicked ass and their switch-off with moe. was killer. Maybe it was cuz I was still at the top of the hill, but I wasn't getting the same energy this time around. Grace spent a lot of time at the organ this set and I think she's better running around with the flying-V. The cover of Blondie's Heart of Glass was obscenely good, though. Then, they lost my attention span and I wandered back to camp for downtime.

Hey, it's THAT guy!

Screaming Chicken was hard at work on the campaign trail- which was essentially, strapped to Hern's backpack for easy access and publicity stunts involving the port-a-potties. As Screaming Chicken's Hype Man, my duties were mostly spreading the good word of WAAAAAAAH!!! and shit-talking the other candidates. I totally got into Rage Lincoln's head, telling him there was a Screaming Chicken that “had his number”. He looked taken aback. “WAAAAAAH!!!” No one wants to get up early on Saturday morning, Rage.

> Mike Gordon Band!!!! SWEET! Out of all the Phish side/solo projects, I've always been the most drawn to Mike's, so I was totes psyched he was back at moe.down! He mostly played his solo stuff, but also a Phish and Radiohead tune. Aww, Mike! Hearts.

There was some good buzz going around about Sister Sparrow & the Dirty Birds, so I checked them out. They were pretty good, but their set was unfortunately in a key resting spot between Mike Gordon and the Black Keys. I stayed for a few songs but eventually headed back to camp for Black Keys pregame and additional wardrobe layerage... and tequila.

my favorite neighbor!

The Black Keys did totally rock, but they did not get me down that hill. They drew a big crowd and I hope that between Ryan Montbleau, Grace Potter, Mike Gordon, and the Black Keys- moe. sold a decent amount of Sunday 1 Day Passes.

The Mayoral Election was quickly approaching, so the running crew took turns saying goodbye to Screaming Chicken, and I checked out the Brew for a while before handing off our favorite Mayoral Candidate to the proper authorities. The Brew were playing to a large crowd of dancing people- lots of great moe.down vibes emanating from the Buzz Stage.

Mark terrorizes the children.

Sunday was clear & gorgeous, the night was the same... but colder. And dark. I got a nice treat when Mark brought me into the pit for Set I! The only drawback was getting pelted with glowsticks and the occasional REX FOR MAYOR beach ball. So, I got right to work on REX, who was easy to find- as he was the only grown man wearing a sash that said "REX FOR MAYOR" in my line of vision. "You don't stand a chance, Rex. Screaming Chicken 4-EVA WAAAAAAH WAAAAAAH!!"

Buster > Haze (great) > Yodelittle (YES) > AWESOME & DRIVING McBain- fantastic! Cornflake Girl and a fun Timmay to end out the Set. The ol' Rape > Fun segue.

When it was time for the Mayoral Election, we gathered 'round with much anticipation. How would Screaming Chicken do? He was clearly the inanimate-object front-runner, and sometimes that's all it takes. Shit, we'd be happy if he just pissed off a few people. Rob had some sort of immediate aversion to Screaming Chicken. Fortunately for us, Screaming Chicken was embraced by not only the moe.lings, but also Al, who was really pulling for him. WAAAAAAH!! Rob seemed to be more agreeable with the possibility of a hybrid candidate- combining a fisting sex toy candidate & Screaming Chicken-- soon dubbed "Chicken McFisty" by Chuck. While the crowd really got behind Fisty McChicken Chicken McFisty, in the end, it was Rage Lincoln with his wookified Headysburg Address who took the election. Rage then got onstage and promptly spilled a beer in Rob's effects pedals^. So it goes, moe.ville. So it goes.

On a side note, I will be cutting and pasting the above paragraph onto my resume.

That election (like most) seemed to take for fucking ever, but finally they began Set II with Moth > rocking Queen of Everything. A groovy Four > noodly Rebubula intro. This was precisely when I was abducted by my friend Jen (aka JamGal), who dragged me back up front on chuck.side! Hot damn! Twist my arm, sista! Rebubula, always a warm-fuzzy at moe.down, was sweet, sentimental, and a really nice way to wrap up Set II.

Then, a stellar encore that went on for almost an hour! Deep This Time kicked it off, but for me, the encore was all aboot The Pit and Chuck being fucking awesome. He was just absolutely shredding! > Farmer Ben > Moth. Good stuff!

During the fireworks, Sister Sparrow & the Dirty Birds were a little too close to a live mic and happened to be cheering for every individual firework. "PURRRPLE!!! WOOOO!!!!!" "RED!!! WOOOO!!!" Then some unsolicited, "SISTER SPARROW!!! WOOOOO!!" ‘s. Insert eye-roll here.

That's it? moe.down xi, done already? It went by so fast. We wandered back to camp and immediately tried to re-block Death On Death's Wheels, but the floodlight actually turned out to be less of a problem than the ZOMBIE TECHNO DANCE PARTY that set up shop on the intersection and managed to go til 4-5am-ish? How is it that moe. need to be off stage by a certain time to comply with sound ordinances, but any shithead with a generator and a sub-woofer can keeps thousands of people awake and go un-regulated until sunrise? The music was at a deafening volume and the ground was literally shaking. It was as if they turned one speaker downward to vibrate the actual bedrock. Yah, I'm getting old, but I've always liked sleep- and sleep was impossible until they shut the fuck up right before dawn.

I will say that once again, moe. did a great job keeping the nitrous element out of the festival, but there was at least one tank going on Sunday night and that Pied Piper set up shop in our courtyard for about 10 minutes before moving along and leading his minions elsewhere.

This is exactly what it was like trying to sleep on Sunday night:


Buster ->
Haze ->
Yodelittle ->
Cornflake Girl
Timmy Tucker

moe.ville Mayoral Election
Moth ->
Queen of Everything
Four ->

Deep This Time
The Pit- >
Farmer Ben ->

DL THE SHOW! (Thanks, TJ!)

MONDAY, 9/6/10

Really? It's over?? ... Really?!?? No Ugly American?!??

Monday began early, with the realization that I had to clean up the shit-sty that had accumulated in and around my tent. Breakdown at moe.down is a time for reflection. It all went by so fast, I could have handled another day... Then again, indoor plumbing, my dog, and an actual bed were comforting thoughts. I headed back in to Java Junction for my annual moe.down Monday AM coffee. I'll miss this place. Not the hills, or the gravel, or the Zombie Techno Dance Party, but pretty much everything else. Didn't mind that there were no guests or band-swaps this year, it streamlined the moe. nicely. Still a few people I'd yet to run into, but hopefully I'll see 'em in Albany.

i fucking hate this hike!

stay away from the circus tent!

gold star neighbors!

moe.down xi come and gone. xi/xi. I'm still covered in mystery bruises, but I'm pretty sure I had a good time. 8 HUZZAHS!

- Many more moe.down Express carts & some sort of organized/fair system for usage.
- More camping space!!! It was beyond crowded in the campsite this year. Who are we, Darfur?
- More port-a-potties (double or triple the amount from this year)!!! The lack of port-a-potty-age & cleaning schedule for what was there, was disappointing- even inside the concert area.
- Moving Sidewalks. Or maybe kill two birds with one stone here- somehow combine the moving sidewalks with the port-a-potties. That way by the time I've gotten to the top of that fucking hill I'll have already peed.
- Power Station: someplace people can quick-charge their phones within the concert site. Mostly so I don't have to spend 1 1/2 hours at my car on Saturday. Maybe a booth/station in vending with a solar cell and outlets to share the juice?
- Black Crowes, Ween, Elvis Costello, God Street Wine (all day/night on the Buzz Stage), Lucinda Williams... and a Todd Snider Sunday afternoon set.


^ Chicken McFisty would *never* have done this, FYI.