How To: Spot Crazy People, pt. 1

Occasionally I think it's gotten tougher and tougher over the years to spot racist, anti-semitic, #ssholes and c#nts- mostly because they don't wear their white hoods out in public anymore (at least most of the ones in NY don't) so they blend in better with the gen-pop.

However, today on my way to the doc, I was able to spot and identify at least TWO racist, anti-semitic, crazy people, in of all places, suburban New York! A rare spotting indeed! Just my luck, one was an #sshole and the other a total c#nt. The signs, the pamphlets, the acid washed pants- all signs point to YES. And me with my camera on hand! I was so ecstatic of my find, that I just had to pull over and take pictures!



Monochromatic madness! The Klan would be proud!
Female specimen (aka the C#nt): You'll notice the wide-brimmed hat, as to block her face and shield her from the public humiliation she would surely receive if educated members of society were to identify her & her cause- the disturbing LaRouche PAC, who's campaigns not only include awareness of "Obama's Nazi Health Plan" but also the accurately titled campaign against "Green Fascism". Please note, her 1 colored ensemble- all pink (oh, the irony).

Male Specimen (aka the #sshole): Uses baseball cap to hide his face, also wears 1 color ensemble (acid washed blue), and bright white New Balances- to run away from the truth more quickly.

Both spreading their poison drivel like herpes in a fire house... with an oaktag picture of the President of the United States w/ a Hitler mustache. Clever.

Yes, much like the scientists who recently spotted the legendary Ivory-Billed Woodpecker of the Everglades, I felt my discovery of the racist, anti-semitic, brainwashed, psychotics of West Nyack, NY had to be recorded & reported on the interwebs-- for the good of the country, for the good of society, and for the future of this Earth. Only a deep-rooted ignorance and fear could result in such pathetic lies. If their only alternative to affordable health care is to blast themselves into outer space*, I would like to bathe them in the strongest of encouragement.


* Or is that sign about ascension? Their garbled messages confuse me.

phish, 8/14/09, hartford, ct

phish, 8/14/09, meadows music theater (aka comcast theater*), hartford, ct
Originally, I had said, "Fuck Hartford" because Phish had gotten enough of my money this summer. Friends had offered me extras numerous times and I turned them down, until the last straw- Mattypie twisted my arm around with a free ticket and a seat in the carpool. "If I must." Matty, Chris, Anthony, & I met up in Portchester and hit the muthafuckin' road.



I'd always heard good things about the Meadows, so I was really surprised to find out the place is kind of a hole. I thought there'd be more... well... meadows. It's a freestanding ampitheater amongst the vacant lots and car dealers off Interstate 91 in Hartford. And there were mosquitos. Mosquitos are fucking lame. We were directed to the waaaay back of one of the free lots, where we were literally the car parked closest to the overpass you have to walk on to get over to the venue (and main lot). It filled in rather quickly and we were able to meet up with Eric, Dano, Disco Tony, Wendy, Chris, and Mintz even showed up for a hot minute! The hippies were coming out of hiding for this one!







Oh, man- and it was hot as balls, taboot, taboot.

Eventually we braved the clusterfuck of people being bottlenecked and filed into the teeny-tiny entrance of the venue**.



They had a vodka bar which made me happy, but I was already fighting a migraine and that made me sad (before my migraine pill kicked in, Kuroda's strobe lights would prove to be pretty painful) . We lost 1/2 our crew around this point and settled into a spot on the lawn (once Chris had fallen down in it). Phish soon took the stage.

SET ONE started out strong and didn't quit. PYITE, AC/DC, NICU, Col. Forbin's--- WHAT??? -> Mockingbird. Sweet slurried Cheesus, this was insanity. It settled down for a few but then right back into it with Stash (we snapped our fingers and felt the presence of our dear Johnny Fish) and an I Didn't Know (with Fishman on a kickass vacuum solo) which screamed of days past. Great energy, a lot of fun. Lots of smiles in the crowd and on our faces.



During setbreak we snuck into the pavillion and found some empty seats to rock out in for SET TWO, cuz we're still wild and reckless- you hear me?!! We don't play by your rules!



DWD is always great set opener, Wilson -> Slave -> Piper was freakin' awesome. Water In the Sky just felt like we were listening to Trey wank for 10 minutes. Could've done without it. Psycho Killer was freakin' awesome and had spectacular, blaring, crowd participation. You could actually hear the band giggling at the volume of it. -> Catapult, featured Trey doing some sort of hysterical tweaker noodle dance. -> Icculus!! Seriously??? It's been so long I didn't even recognize it at first. The crowd was in shock, people were absolutely losing it! Trey went on a rant about kids and their iphones and their dvd thingies. He pleaded with those people to read a fucking book! But not just any book- no, he was in fact talking about the Helping Phriendly Book, written by the one and only Icculus. READ THE BOOK. -> YEM. K, well, I heart YEM and all, am still enjoying seeing it, but they seem to play it at every show I'm at this summer. What gives? Gimme a Reba or Maze. Gimme gimme gimme! TAKE TAKE TAKE.






While My Guitar Gently Weeps was an awesome encore. It was a happy change since I've also seemed to hit every Rock n' Roll and A Day In the Life*** this summer.

Before we had even crossed the overpass going back to our lot, you could hear the ssssssssssss's of a hippie crack tank. Or 3. THREE. At least 1 was selling balloons out of a hot dog cart that actually still smelled like hot dog water. The nitrous monkeys were EVERYWHERE. They were on the hill, they were across the street, they were in the trees! Sssssssssssssss! Police were directing traffic 1/2 a block away and a few even drove right by- all blatently ignoring the nitrous spectacle. Okay, Hartford. You fill me with confidence.







After a drive-by ninja-like cookie drop-off in the Mercedes Benz parking lot, we waited til the line out of our lot subsided**** and blasted some metal with the windows down as we drove out. Eric Cartman was right, it definitely helped scatter the hippies. We left Hartford with thoughts of bacon, egg, & cheese on a biscuit (or at least I did). Unfortunately the billboard for Cracker Barrel indicated it was 28 miles off the exit. Why do you tease us like that, Cracker Barrel? 28 miles doesn't help us any. That's pretty shitty of you. Fuck you, Cracker Barrel. We made sweet time back to Portchester and I was home by 4am. Not bad at all.




Boy, am I glad I went to Hartford! This was by far the best show I've seen all tour. The setlist was great. Phish were energized and seemed to be genuinely enjoying themselves. It was a throwback to the '94 era. Trey's multiple noodle dances said it all. I am very happy he is still alive and off the junk. Tons of thanks to Matty for not only the extra (and badgering me to go), but also for driving both ways. You rule #1. Next time bring some of your famous jerked meat! Phish, 8/14/09, Hartford, CT: 9 HUZZAHS! Fucking awesome! Now that's what I've been waiting for since the tour was announced-- that's what I'm talkin' about!

SETLIST

SET ONE
Punch You in the Eye
AC/DC Bag
NICU
Colonel Forbin's Ascent >
Fly Famous Mockingbird
Birds Of A Feather
Lawn Boy
Stash
I Didn't Know
Middle Of The Road
Character Zero

SET TWO
Down With Disease >
Wilson >
Slave To The Traffic Light
Piper >
Water In The Sky
Ghost >
Psycho Killer >
Catapult >
Icculus >
You Enjoy Myself

ENCORE
While My Guitar Gently Weeps

SLIDESHOW and HI REZ GALLERY.



*that's a dumb fucking name
** Michael Weiss compared it to the scene in WIlly Wonka when they try to fit everyone in the group through a really small door. Quite. I never found Weiss during the show. Sad.
*** And God Street Wine's A Day In the Life is still far superior.
**** And at the exact moment someone at the car next to us pulled out a hand drum.

paul mccartney, 7/17/09, citifield, nyc and the future, 7/18/09, lit lounge, nyc

paul mccartney, 7/17/09, citi field, flushing, ny
&
the future, 7/18, lit lounge, nyc


For stylistic purposes I have chosen to combine the Paul McCartney and The Future reviews in order to represent both ends of the rock spectrum that I experienced in these 26 hours of bizzarro.

This concert was a totally unexpected prize. Partially through the week my friend Mark invited me to see it with some of his running crew at the brand new home of the New York Mets, Citi Field (atrocious name, why not "Shea II"?). Paul McCartney. The Beatle, Paul McCartney. The CUTE Beatle, Paul McCartney! How could anyone say no to that? The hitch came when Mark announced we'd be taking a Rocks Off boat up the East River to the stadium. A huge obstacle because I'm horrible on boats (I wanted to off myself during a Soulive boat cruise a few years back). I never actually puke, but the nausea is enough to prevent me from boarding in the first place. It would be quite a challenge, but I would do it for Paul McCartney*. Even if I had to "Scooby Doo" it the whole way.

Mark timed it correctly so we would be the last people to board the boat = less time for me to want to die on the boat. Jake from Wetlands does the boat cruises and gave us a tour up the East River, which included not only Riker's Island, but also the NYC DOC converted-barge-floating-prison! Sounds like hell! There's also a supplement to a LaGuardia runway that juts out into Flushing Bay that left me feeling uneasy. Or maybe that was the boat. It was probably the boat.



The plan to sit me down seemed to work as I only felt myself turn green just a once. About an hour later we docked and walked right into the Citi Field parking lot. This was a pretty swank way to go to a show (and ballgame probably) and I recommend it if you like boats & booze (in that order). Next, Rocks Off is getting hovercrafts for the St. Patrick's Day parade.


After finding Mark's crew in the lot (There was no Shakedown Street or grilled cheese to be found anywhere), we headed into the ballpark. My last trip to Shea was about 3 seasons ago, I always found it kind of a monstrosity. It was very industrial looking and sort of ugly. First impression of Citi Field: it kinda reminded me of Chelsea Market. Very cool, greys, bricks, separate kiosks scattered for food. You don't get the feeling that you're in NYC (except for the constant planes from LGA flying directly overhead). The open air design really did feel friendly w/ plenty of food to choose from. Way nicer than Shea. Then we walked by the MTV Rock Band Beatles stage, blaring the Beatles and featuring the vocal stylings of Mr. Pete DeGrazio. What a treat!

Pete is the Walrus


Not long afterwards, Sir Paul McCartney walked out and opened with Drive My Car. It was so odd to witness an actual, real life Beatle before me- it was almost surreal. He is still a mop-topped Liverpudlian and even fussed with said mop-top throughout the show (it drove the ladies wild). There were more stage sets than I've ever seen in my life. Lights and monitors were readjusted, raised, and removed for every song! The monitors played footage and photo montages including the Beatles Rock Band game animations (that was kind of a lame sellout moment). It was a ridiculous and massive production. Spectacular, really. And a real life Beatle!



He reminisced many times during the set about the Beatles legendary concert at Shea in 1965, explaining the difference in production values. The Beatles had to be piped through the stadium's PA system and you couldn't actually hear the music over the screaming girls. Right on cue, all the ladies would scream. He mentioned it like 3 times during the show. I hope it was cuz he wanted to hear all the shrieking again and not because he has dementia. Seriously. Paul fucking McCartney.

The crowd was a multi-generational, well-behaved, and plastic poncho wearing mix that included many who had been to the '65 Shea concert and returned to rock out. Bonkers. It was a real "thumbs-up" kinda crowd.


The setlist had a handful of Beatle's songs, then some of his solo and Wings stuff. He played touching tributes to: John Lennon, George Harrison, and Linda McCartney. Also, Heather Mill is a legless whore! He didn't say that but he was totally thinking it.

The show was great but didn't really start rocking until Back In the USSR. It warmed up the entire stadium. There was some hippie action going down during Give Peace a Chance. But when Live and Let Die kicked in- three words: pyro fucking technics! Fire! Awesome! At least a handful of concertgoers pooped their pants.



In 2008, Paul joined Billy Joel during his concert at Shea. So Billy Joel-- a painfully sunburned (the kind that burns when you sweat) Billy Joel returned the favor and sat in on I Saw Her Standing There. Perhaps a reference to both their recent divorces?

Separated at birth? Billy Joel & Dr. Zoidberg
This Paul McCartney show was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Another name to cross off the list***! Mark, I owe you some cookies.

the future, 7/18, lit lounge, nyc
I was hardly recovered from Friday night when Huiwen and Caprice convinced me to go out for a Girl's Night in the Citay. The centerpiece of the evening was when Caprice's friends, The Future, would take the stage at Lit Lounge. To up the ante, Miss Phatty Girl would be performing interpretive dance during a few numbers.


Lit Lounge. The place is every bit the shithole you'd expect. I walked inside and was met with the exact smell of the Bellvue Bar's bathroom- with the addition of incense (to try and cover it up-- that always works). My eyes watered and my nostrils instinctively constricted to avoid the toxicity of my surroundings. Close your eyes and imagine drowning in the blue liquid that flushes airplane toilets. And incense. The NYPD has flyers up both inside and outside the bar, warning people to watch their belongings. There were no warning signs about the watered down vodka or the 2nd nastiest bathroom in the world****.

We wandered downstairs to the basement and The Future hit the stage. They've got a loud sound to 'em. Power pop, heavily influenced by Zappa, Primus, and GWAR (and possibly Lady Gaga). One guitar lick was a total rip-off of Primus' Ballad of Bodacious. Don't think I didn't notice.





Their stage antics were a throwback to legendary performers, Ominous Seapods and included the tragic dismemberment of an innocent puppet. Of course, one can't talk about The Future's stage show without discussing the one and only Miss Phatty Girl, The Future's private dancer, dancer for money. It was Miss Phatty Girl's birthday, so the boys in the band got her some cupcakes, which she promptly redecorated herself with. It's fair to say Miss Phatty Girl services a specialty market in the adult dancing world, but it's nice that she can break through the barriers of weightism and expand her--- uh... audience.



Let me once again praise the goodness of my 15dB musician's ear filters, because there are only a scant few musicians I would willingly destroy my hearing via. Custom molded and worth every cent of the $150 (if that?) they cost. Handy whether you're in an extra loud bluegrass show or cement basement with low ceilings and too many speakers. Unsolicited Advice: Go get your damn hearing tested, cuz it's only getting worse.

After it all, what I still find fascinating and the reason for combining these two reviews into one, is that however many degrees apart Paul McCartney and the Future are, they are still connected. A band like The Future, would not exist without a man like Paul McCartney, but I am fairly certain Paul McCartney had never envisioned The Future (or Miss Phatty Girl) when he was helping create the genre known as Rock n' Roll. That *SNAP* you just heard was your mind being blown.

I'm still ranking them separately because- let's be honest, (even though he dyes his hair) Paul McCartney is a fucking Beatle. A BEATLE! Paul McCartney: 9 HUZZAHS!** Many many thanks to Mark, he is the Hospitality King.

The Future feat. the dance spectacular known as Miss Phatty Girl: 7.5 HUZZAHS! The spirit of the Seapods lives on.

Paul McCartney, 7/17/09, Citi Field, Flushing, NY
SETLIST
Drive My Car / Jet / Only Mama Knows / Flaming Pie / Got To Get You Into My Life / Let Me Roll It/Purple Haze / Highway / The Long and Winding Road / My Love / Blackbird / Here Today / Dance Tonight / Calico Skies / Mrs. Vanderbilt / Eleanor Rigby / Sing the Changes / Band on the Run / Back in the U.S.S.R. / I’m Down / Something / I’ve Got a Feeling / Paperback Writer / A Day in the Life/Give Peace a Chance / Let It Be / Live and Let Die / Hey Jude

ENCORES: Day Tripper / Lady Madonna / I Saw Her Standing There (with Billy Joel) / Yesterday / Helter Skelter / Get Back / Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band/The End

SLIDESHOW & GALLERY




* If you're not gonna do it for Paul McCartney, who are you gonna do it for? (I would also do it for God Street Wine)
** Dude. BEATLE.
*** LIST: People to see before they die.
**** 1st is The Monopole's basement.

wilco, 7/13/09, keyspan park, brooklyn, ny

wilco, 7/13/09, keyspan park, coney island, ny


A ticket for this show kinda fell into my lap. Originally I had considered going to the Wappinger's Falls gig the following week* cuz I was so traumatized from my last experience at Coney Island. However, it was important to keep the nightmare of a clusterfucky Siren Festival separate from a gig at an actual venue- especially one as cool as the home of the Brooklyn Cyclones, Keyspan Park. So, with great joy I nabbed Mike Weiss's extra and on a Monday night I was headed back to Brooklyn in an optimistic mood.

Mike and I met up in the lot and grabbed some tacos at a place in the block that cuts between Nathan's and the bumper cars blaring J.Lo's "Get Right". Don't be put off by the alleyway dining area with the plastic lawn furniture (that is usually packed with real-life actual Mexicans)- this place is phatty dank like a kind chicken taco. Ximena would have been helpful in this situation cuz Maria** at the cash register wasn't helping out her cook (or us), poor dude was running between the grill and the register. I was proud to be able to ask for the salsa rojo even though he thought I wanted a fruit punch gatorade. Hm. Well, whatever cuz my tacos were once again great and the salsa verde was awesome too. Mad Respek.



We headed into Keyspan to check out Yo La Tengo and at the gates a giant duck wearing a Wilco t shirt gave us nifty little Wilco "programs" that have: pics of & info about the band & tour (playing in many ballparks), a word find, and a scorecard for each of the tour dates & possible songs- so you can keep score of the show. The program is fucking ingenious. I love it.





Anywhoosits, Yo La Tengo were loud, atmospheric, and actually kind of shrilly. I was disappointed. Ya know, I couldn't remember if I liked them or not and now I think maybe not so much. Is it possible that all these years I've thought they were Guided By Voices? Apparently so.



They kept the netting up behind home plate, so we settled on a spot halfway up the first base line. The Price is Right music played and the Wilco took over and started with Wilco, the song. It was warm and welcoming, Wilco love me, baby. It's true, because I'm awesome. They are so right.



It was a pretty rockin' show and Jeff Tweedy was in a great mood. He was talking with the crowd, joking around, not at all like the clip Mike had sent me where he goes on an awesome tirade at the people who are talking while he plays. No, this Jeff was happy, smiling, and eating up all the love from the Brooklyn crowd, like Joey Chestnut going at 8000+ Nathan's hot dogs. They were all solid (the band, not the hot dogs- no, not the hot dogs at all), it's Wilco-- they are great. Brilliant and pure rock n' roll.

For the encore, Leslie Feist (Canadian), some dude from the band Grizzly Bear, and Yo La Tengo all sat-in on songs.



Highlights: Handshake Drugs, I'm the Man Who Loves You, Walken, Jesus, etc., Hummingbird, California Stars, & Hoodoo Voodoo.

Lowlights: literally-- the low lights. Their stage lighting is not conducive to picture taking from far away. Totes lame.

Great show! Beautiful night! Tacos! Wilco, 7/13/09, Keyspan Park, Brooklyn, NY: 8.5 HUZZAHS! Keyspan Park rules! Thanks again for the ticket, Mike! Exclamation points!!!


SETLIST courtesy of Wilcobase: http://wilcobase.com/event.php?event_key=1208
Wilco (The Song)
I Am Trying To Break Your Heart
A Shot In The Arm
At Least That's What You Said
Bull Black Nova
You Are My Face
One Wing
Handshake Drugs
Deeper Down
Impossible Germany
Jesus, Etc.
Sonny Feeling
I'm Always In Love
Can't Stand It
Hate It Here
Walken
I'm The Man Who Loves You
Hummingbird

Encore 1:
Heavy Metal Drummer
You And I (w/ Feist on vocals)
California Stars (w/ Feist and Ed Droste of Grizzly Bear on backup vocals and percussion)
You Never Know (w/ Feist and Ed Droste of Grizzly Bear on backup vocals and percussion)
Misunderstood
Spiders (Kidsmoke) (w/ Yo La Tengo)

Encore 2:
The Late Greats
Hoodoo Voodoo (w/ Feist and Ed Droste of Grizzly Bear on backup vocals and percussion)

DOWNLOAD THE SHOW! courtesy of nyctaper.com: http://www.nyctaper.com/?p=1358

SLIDESHOW and GALLERY!



* Wilco's set conflicted with Elvis Costello's at Bonnaroo, so I only saw them for about 20 minutes (Elvis wins!).
** I'm not being racist, that was really her name- the cook was yelling at her-- "MARIA-- MARIA!!"