A Conversation with Jeff Austin on State of Mind Music

A Conversation with Jeff Austin on State of Mind Music


A few weeks ago, I had the absolute pleasure of interviewing the fantastic creature known as Jeff Austin, Mandolin player from Yonder Mountain String Band, for a Conversation Feature on State of Mind Music. If you like Yonder, Metalocalypse, Baseball, or oddly enough-- gummy bears, and haven't already imbibed-- please hop on over there and enjoy the read!

Penn's Peak review coming soon!

Giant Killer Gummy Bear of Death Awakens and Commands You To Follow Link!

At the Yanks vs. Brewers game last Tuesday (6/28), I had a terrible vision of delicious chewy fruity DOOM!


Giant Killer Gummy Bear of Death arose over the 3B Grandstand and told me to tell you, that you should totally check out the awesome Yankees Butts blog and share it with all your friends who are into Baseball, because it's a Baseball blog, for fuck's sake. Or else, he said, you will MEET YOUR HORRIBLE FRUITY DESTINY!!!!

Then he told me to run for President. Yesss, I see...

An Open Letter to Geovany Soto

Dearest Geovany Soto,

With the 2011 XMLB draft less than 36 hours away, I'm addressing our emotionally abusive past head-on.

2008 NL Rookie of the Year, I was eager to snatch you up for 2009's The Devil Toads. Your season was a botched back alley abortion. I swore you off- never again.

Then came along 2010 and a stellar Spring Training line. Munchies possibly subsided, weight lost, and every condition for a comeback year was in place. A sleeper, perhaps? The Tijuana Donkeys could use leadership like that. Geovany Soto, goddamn you-- I bit. I bit hard and your late season even began to pick up, despite a nagging shoulder injury, which eventually ended it all in September.

This year: 2011. The Year of the Rabbit. Reports of "perfect health" have you being touted as a Top 5 Catcher. I SAY "NAY", GEOVANY SOTO. "NAY" & "BAH".

Fool me once, Soto, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice? Fuck that. It's time to have your latest "career year"^ on Babitz's roster. I can't take it anymore, totes dramz, it's too hard.

Sincerely,
Lynn
Manager, Ride The Walrus^^


^ You do realize, he will now.
^^ subject to change without notice

the dream is dead, gone, all smashed up.

baseball? more like BOOOOOOsball.

i'm disgusted, ashamed, heartbroken, and altogether uninterested.

tonight, the yankees officially ruined baseball. this roster and season are a disgrace to legends past and the ghosts of yankee stadium.

after a season of spiritless ball playing, tonight's apex hit me like bobby abreu hitting a wall- slowly and cautiously before falling over and whining like a little fucking bitch. for it was at that exact moment i finally gave up on the 2008 yankees and turned on 'project runway'. the new york yankees do not deserve to win a game let alone a pennant race, wild card, or series title. they're fucking awful.

at what point in the professional career of a baseball player do you stop doing your best? busting your ass? hustling? at least eric byrnes went down fighting. all it took was 2 heinous muscular women and arod's game was done. never did i think i'd say they should have traded melky and kennedy for johan, but they should have traded melky and kennedy for johan.

i've tried to wrap my brain around it a million times (at least a million). was it the loss of joe torre? is arod's tabloid drama locker room poison? it's easy to blame injuries: posada, jeter, arod, joba, hughes, wang- all down for part or all of the season. for a while i had convinced myself that it was the curse of yankee stadium. the realization that the mystique- the very heart & soul of the team was mortal. the boys in pinstripes no longer had yankee stadium on their side and the prospect of moving across the street was draining their souls- everything they'd been taught to believe in. but perhaps it's not that at all. perhaps it's much more simple: too much partying, padded paychecks, and a team full of individual egos with no drive.

you don't need a golden thong, a mustache, or a ford commercial to play baseball. you need the soul of a child* or a warrior- one who wants it badly enough... the yankees don't want it at all.

the yankees are dead. long live the yankees.



*i am in no way promoting ritual sacrifice

from the sports desk... dear derek jeter...

news from the sports desk... eric byrnes report.

from the sports desk... injury report edition.

team DOOM DOOM DOOM has been rocked at it's foundations by injuries this year. it's almost the all-star break and the corpses keep dropping with no end in sight (except october). so here's a little injury list update (thanks, rotoworld):

Ryan Zimmerman-3B- Nationals Jul. 4 - 4:08 pm et
Ryan Zimmerman (shoulder) got a good review from Reds' medical director Dr. Timothy Kremchek Thursday.
"Everything looked good to [Kremchek]," Zimmerman said. "Everything looked strong -- keep doing what we are doing, keep progressing. He said it looks fine." The Nats are hoping Zim can rejoin the team by late July or early August.

not horrendous since i've also got mark reynolds, cantu, and kouzmanoff- and all are hot at the moment (though reynolds took a line drive in the wrist last week... he seems to be okay now- except that he catches like a fucking girl!).

this next one will definitely hurt:

Matt Capps-R - Pirates Jul. 2 - 6:58 pm et
Pirates placed RHP Matt Capps on the 15-day disabled list with bursitis in his right shoulder and internal rotation deficit.
An older reliever would probably attempt a comeback after a couple of weeks off. The Pirates, though, will be particularly careful with the 24-year-old Capps when they have so little to gain by rushing him back. Damaso Marte can close this month and further improve his trade value in the process. While the early word is that Capps will miss two months, the Pirates may decide there's no reason to activate him in September unless everything goes perfectly in his rehab.

Matt Capps-R- Pirates Jul. 7 - 12:40 am et
Matt Capps flew to Florida on Sunday to begin rehabbing his sore shoulder.
Capps is expected to be out until at least the first week of September, but he says he expects to pitch again this season.

probably the biggest blow to my team so far has been:

David Ortiz-DH-Red Sox Jul. 7 - 7:06 pm et
David Ortiz took batting practice Monday for the first time since injuring his wrist on May 31.
Both Ortiz and manager Terry Francona reported afterward that the BP session went well, but there's still no timetable for Ortiz's return. "It's hard, man, it's hard," Ortiz said. "You want to be out there in those series. But that said, I have to be patient. I don't want to be stupid about coming back. I don't want to come back and not be ready and get things worse."

which brings us to--- oh i dunno, who else? oh yah-



Eric Byrnes-OF - Diamondbacks Jun. 30 - 10:53 pm et
Eric Byrnes left Monday's game with a strained left hamstring.
Byrnes just returned from injuries to both hamstrings a week ago, and he's never been right at any point of the season. He reinjured himself tonight trying to steal third base, and there's a good chance he'll land back on the disabled list.

Eric Byrnes-OF- Diamondbacks Jul. 3 - 9:13 am et
According to the Arizona Republic, Eric Byrnes may require surgery to repair his injured hamstring.
Byrnes would likely miss the remainder of the season if he goes under the knife, but no decision on his status has been made yet. "Then it becomes a decision on his part, too, whether he wants to, based on the opinions he gets and listening to all the proper personnel to listen to," manager Bob Melvin said.

huzzah, eric byrnes. well played, you fucking dipshit.

in either good or bad news, i will no longer have a* player who is NA:

Clay Buchholz-S- Red Sox Jul. 7 - 4:35 pm et
The Providence Journal reports that Clay Buchholz will be called up to start Friday's game against Baltimore.
The timing of the move is odd as Justin Masterson had limited the Yankees to two runs in six innings Saturday while Buchholz gave up five runs in five innings at Triple-A. Buchholz had limited opponents to one run in 22 2/3 innings before that, though, so he'll be promoted.

team DOOM DOOM DOOM is current frontrunner for the league's "DK Award" (darryl kile) which is presented to the xmlb team that has a player die during the season. i'm totally winning that shit before lento.

that's it from the sportsdesk...
lynn, mgr. team DOOM DOOM DOOM

*because I already dropped Rich Hill when i had 2 NA's

off to the glue factory with you, eric byrnes... the glue factory.

monday night led to an unfortunate turn of events for arizona diamondback's OF eric byrnes. back after approximately one month on the DL with a tear in each of his hamstrings (he was finally forced onto the DL after 2 months of struggling and "toughing it out"), byrnes finally made it all the way to 2B. perhaps his horrible mustache was working!


fantasy managers everywhere heaved a sigh of relief. that is, until he tried to steal 3B- after a quick sprint he came up lame and did a flying belly-flop to the ground like some sort of spectacular paraplegic ballerina. on-field trainers quickly diagnosed the condition as grave and did the only thing they could do in that situation... they put him down. right there at 3B, in front of thousands in the stadium and millions watching on tv.

http://arizona.diamondbacks.mlb.com/media/video.jsp?mid=200807013039496

it's hard to say if it was the right move, but at least it was done in a humane way. like barbaro, he's in a better place now. a place where it's 2007 all the time and he can run free in the lavender meadows with kevin brown, jeremy bonderman, nomar garciaparra, and all the rest of the injured ballplayers who expired before their time.

eric byrnes, a haiku

launching then flying
right and left both hammies pop
to pasture with you

goodbye, eric byrnes. R.I.P. 1976-2008

newsflash: red sox fan a total asshole, baseball world stunned!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

baseball weekly, from the desk of the manager of the ultra cets

two issues to address here.

firstly, an open letter to eric byrnes:

dear eric,

you giant fucking douche. why won't you go on the DL already? you would be more useful benched for 2 weeks and coming back at 100% than you are playing at 30% and monumentally sucking. your home run the other day convinced me the drought was over and i should put you back in at OF. so i did. and then- NOTHING. please, for the love of cheesus- free the demons from within your hamstrings and HEEEAAAL!

hallelujah! let us pray to the almighty cheesus. cheesus is good.
lynn
mgr. the ultra cets



and now, a hypothesis about the state of the new york yankees...

if you've watched any of the horrendous games over the past couple of weeks, you might have noticed something is different about the new york yankees (other than posada and arod's absence). they are missing their magic. they are staring into space and have no fire. i believe they have somehow fallen under control of the mighty hypnotoad. who knows if joe torre did this before he left last year (he's a sneaky bastard), but if girardi can't figure out the keyword to unlock the spell, i'm afraid the yankees are doomed. DOOMED!



oh yeah, and a kid on a leash from a thursday afternoon yanks game i went to. this kid's gonna have some issues.

award winning photo by gullo, here's the gallery

an open letter to robinson cano...

dear robinson,

why are you single-handedly driving team GAMERA into the ground? never mind the yankees, you are causing some serious damage to MY baseball team. while i realize (and numbers strongly indicate) you never have very productive aprils (i do not recall last april being this painful), i encourage you to recognize your habit of: swinging at the first pitch, messing with your timing, not trusting your natural instincts, and pretty much being completely impatient and utterly incompetent at the plate which most certainly carries over into your field-work. why did you try and steal 2b today??? you're messed in the head! goddamnit, does girardi have to break your fucking thumbs for you to get this? your timing is off, your head is in your ass, and you are an atrocious 15/95 on the season. there is no reason NOT send you to triple A and put gonzalez at 2b. except that ONE of these days you'll finally break out of your shithole. but WHEN, dear robinson, WHEN??? late may/june??? it seems now that _i_ must practice some patience.

so, for your own sake, for the yankees sake, and most importantly- for team GAMERA's sake- TURN IT THE FUCK ON!

for realz.

sincerely,
lynn (mgr. team GAMERA)

-ps- GAMERA is MIGHTY!

i was saying boo-urns.

oh wait, no- i was booing too.

"president" bush threw out the first pitch on opening day at the nationals/braves game sunday night and was serenaded with a spectacular hail of boo's from the moment he stepped out of the dugout to the moment he left the field. when the catcher handed him back the ball he also gave him a couple of sympathetic pats on the back. bush looked at him with the, "they hate me but what are ya gonna do?" shrug and speed-walked into the tunnel. good jorb washington baseball fans! ye gads, i fucking hate that guy.



it was fucking awesome. and definitely worth sitting through the "most exciting player in baseball" talk that preceded the first pitch. thanks, espn. it has begun.

in the 5th inning elijah dukes was "suddenly" taken out of the game, because on the way back to the dugout he impregnated and threw a gatorade bottle at a 17 year old... again. why is this man still allowed to play baseball? actually, why isn't this man in jail?

and after the braves tied it up, my 3b ryan zimmerman came up and smacked a walk-off home run, mouthing, "get the fuck outta here" as the liner went over the fence. ZIM, DOOM DOOM DOOM!

the real opening day starts tomorrow at 1pm.

GAMERA IS MIGHTY!

the standings after 2 games in tokyo...

GAMERA IS MIGHTY!

the street value of johan santana.

most of you know who johan santana is, for those of you who don't- he's the best pitcher in baseball. a top draft pick in any fantasy league let alone real-actual baseball.

hern (mgr The Upside Downers) had him last year and kept him. so i (mgr GAMERA) tried to make him a deal:

johan santana for casey kotchman and 5 lbs of freshly sliced bacon.

he declined: santana is not even hurt, for christs sake!
----

i tried to sweeten the deal with a 2nd trade offer:

okay hern (mgr The Upside Downers),

you wanna play hardball, that's fine.

i'll tell you what.

johan santana for casey kotchman and johan santana's weight in freshly sliced bacon. so it'd be just like you were keeping johan santana, but in bacon- bacon johan santana. and bacon makes everything better, hern. if you don't believe that, you support the terrorists. why do you hate our troops, hern?

sincerely,
lynn (mgr GAMERA)
---

that's a great fucking deal- never mind the talented casey kotchman, according to baseballreference.com johan's like 6' and 195 lbs. that's nearly 200 pounds of bacon! and i'll bet if you could create the proper armature and get a fryer large enough, you could actually cook it into the form of johan santana. a BACON JOHAN SANTANA. do you know how much that would be worth??

still awaiting reply. i have a good feeling about this...

UPDATE: trade REJECTED. shocking! "you and your filthy trade offers." i think that means it almost worked!!! damn. so close to the bacon johan santana i'll bet he could smell it.

UPDATE #2: GAMERA IS MIGHTY!

xmlb '08 draft... gentlemen, to evil!

every year a group of valiant and spritely individuals get together in mid-town to perform the task they were destined to do: win the much sought after XMLB league trophy for excellence in fantasy baseball. saturday, 3/22/08 was one such gathering.

we converged upon the draft headquarters, otherwise known as dan's office conference room with the creepy stuffed raccoon in it at noonish. the two newbies had arrived earlier to participate in the supplemental draft, as everyone who was in the league last year got to keep 5 players. once the supplemental was over, the draft order was determined by pulling balls out of a bingo cage (ball pulled can choose spot in order- ha ha ball pulled). balls. each manager was given the same amount of balls as their placement at the end of last season. so, since craig is an asshole and finished 1st, he only got 1 ball. that's 1 ball. since i came in 4th, even though i was a rookie and the only girl in the league- i got 4 balls. that's 4 balls. and so on and so forth, etc.

after much ado and whiskey for some, we were ready to draft. the order was as follows:


here's a behind the scenes look at one of our breaks. it's nerdery at it's best and a good time taboot.

if you found that amusing, you're a nerd.

when all was said and done, craig is still an asshole. he's the biggest asshole in the league, actually.

and mighty team GAMERA starts off the 2008 season as:
1) david ortiz*
2) ichiro*
3) derek jeter*
4) eric byrnes*
5) robinson cano*
6) ryan zimmerman
7) jacoby ellsbury (kid's amazing- he's fucking worth it, so suck my 4 balls)
8) rich hill
9) javier vazquez (had him last year, solid starter)
10) chad billingsley
11) matt capps
12) joakim soria
13) clay buchholz (limited innings, but should do me good)
14) ivan rodriguez (he can stay strong another year)
15) kosuke fukudome (let's see what the hype is aboot)
16) hideki okajima (killer middle reliever)
17) kevin kouzmanoff
18) pat neshek
19) casey kotchman
20) melky cabrera
21) greg maddux
22) chris perez**

* my keepers from last year
** i'm ahead of the buzz, he's not even available yet, so i'm currently left with 1 extra roster spot

to keep up with the latest xmlb news, stay tuned to xmlb.org

gentlemen, to evil!

maybe the j-bomb doesn’t brake for the rockies & other topics of note including bacon party!

wow. 13-1? really? okay. so yeah, originally i was totally behind the rockies on this one... until i read this: http://www.thenation.com/doc/20060619/zirin

i'm the first one to admit that as a yanks fan i'm usually the last to stand behind the bosox... but after reading the above article, i had to reconsider my opinion. people can believe in whatever they want to believe in, to each their own. but when you're basically coming out and saying that your baseball team has the support of the j-bomb himself, and "players of character" are those you are looking to sign, that is kind of bizarro to me (a heathen). the air is thinner a mile up, but i guess it's slightly closer to heaven. i thought you got into the world series cuz you played kickass baseball, but maybe it was just meant to be? i wonder where kaz matsui fits into all of this?

regardless. the rockies dropped game 1 against beckett 13-1 last night. KABLAMMO! maybe the j-bomb doesn't swing your bats after all? or maybe satan just supports the red sox? and well, chuck is satan... so can they be that bad? or maybe 'rado shouldn't have gotten 8 days off in between series starts? methinks it could have been too much time for contemplation.

btw, john smoltz is a cocksucker, huh?

next of note:

i had the pleasure of interviewing regina spektor last week which was pretty cool by itself. however, after wrapping, we did what all russian jews do. we talked about mucus & sinuses, and i wrote her a rx for a nasal wash and gargle called alkalol cuz she couldn't seem to get over a cough/sinus problem that was the remnants of bronchitis, and she was especially nervous because the next night she had a sold out show at the hammerstein. she was incredibly excited to break out her neti pot and try out my "magic potion" immediately because nothing else seemed to work. it's comforting to know that no matter how much fame and fortune separates them, russians jews can keep it realz with their peeps.

finally:

bacon party update... i have a spectacular plan of attack for the cookies: bacon infused peanut butter cookies with chocolate ganache stripes. hear me out. my regular peanut butter cookie dough, but i'll substitute some of the regular butter with bacon fat in order to infuse the flavor... then cook the bacon and chop it up, use that as "bacon chips" (instead of chocolate chips). make the cookies... and then do a chocolate ganache to drizzle on once the cookies cool. the other option is to not infuse the butter and to just leave it to the "bacon chips" to do the flavoring into the peanut butter dough... everything else is the same! sound awesome? you know it does!

i have gathered some advice on prepping the bacon (since i never make it, this is an obstacle for me). alton brown says to do it in the oven on a cookie rack with a tray underneath to catch the fat. he swears by it. and the man is a genius...

Baumy says: Start by laying down 3 to 4 paper towels on the counter, or in the microwave. Cover the paper towel with the bacon. (FYI- Bacon should NOT be overlapping) Cover the layer of bacon with another paper towel on top. This makes it a LITTLE less messy. And then the secret for nuking bacon is, add the total number of strips, and add one minute. So you'd cook 9 strips for 10 minutes. 10 for 11.

Have a nest of new paper towels ready, and when your shit beeps, take the bacon off the fat soaked paper towels, and onto the fresh dogs... Essentially, you want to dry them. They'll be fat free, crispy and delicious.

and jim gaffigan says...

glumbert - Jim Gaffigan loves bacon

oh yeah... and turkey is invading iraq.

stay tuned for a bruce springsteen @ msg review!