Dearest Geovany Soto,
With the 2011 XMLB draft less than 36 hours away, I'm addressing our emotionally abusive past head-on.
2008 NL Rookie of the Year, I was eager to snatch you up for 2009's The Devil Toads. Your season was a botched back alley abortion. I swore you off- never again.
Then came along 2010 and a stellar Spring Training line. Munchies possibly subsided, weight lost, and every condition for a comeback year was in place. A sleeper, perhaps? The Tijuana Donkeys could use leadership like that. Geovany Soto, goddamn you-- I bit. I bit hard and your late season even began to pick up, despite a nagging shoulder injury, which eventually ended it all in September.
This year: 2011. The Year of the Rabbit. Reports of "perfect health" have you being touted as a Top 5 Catcher. I SAY "NAY", GEOVANY SOTO. "NAY" & "BAH".
Fool me once, Soto, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice? Fuck that. It's time to have your latest "career year"^ on Babitz's roster. I can't take it anymore, totes dramz, it's too hard.
Manager, Ride The Walrus^^
^ You do realize, he will now.
^^ subject to change without notice