Tuesday, September 30, 2008

lg exclusive: palin preparing for thursday's debate

LG WEB EXCLUSIVE: This just in from the wire- we now have exclusive pictures of Gov. Sarah Palin, Republican VP Nominee, preparing for Thursday's debate vs. Senator & Democratic VP Nominee, Joe Biden.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

the fat is in the fire.

Katie Couric Asks the Tough Questions.

This just absolutely terrifies me.

Watch both these segments and keep in mind when you are watching them, that they are two different segments. Sarah Palin is so inept she has little trouble making Katie Couric seem like a hard-hitting journalist.

"Politics have got to be put aside." says Sarah Palin. Indeed. The term "Crisis Mode" is used repeatedly. She is just "ill about this position that we've (she's) been put in."

I did better on my Spanish Regents Exam* than Palin did at a Couric interview and she doesn't even have to conjugate foreign verbs.

Dear Governor Palin,

You can memorize as many flash-cards as you want, but it won't do you any good. You need to use applied knowledge, which you can't, because you don't have.

Go Fuck Yourself For Being Part of the Problem.


part 1

Watch CBS Videos Online

part 2

Watch CBS Videos Online

* I passed.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

the origins of sarah palin...

A question has been eating away at me for months now- I knew that John McCain sold his soul to the devil all those years ago in a vietnamese P.O.W. camp, vowing revenge on his captors, that was fairly obvious. What I couldn't figure out was where the hell the devil was hanging out these days?

After receiving this delightful picture courtesy of Gullo over at SofaJockey.com it hit me like a cupcake to the face.

Just LOOK at her all decked out in red! All this talk about "transparency" and she refuses to allow her own press corps to cover her- it's because she doesn't want anyone to see her for what she really is! Sarah Palin is the fucking devil!

And the only way to destroy the devil is to pummel her with the purest of weapons: vanilla/vanilla cupcakes. SO, throw them at will, good people of Earth! Watch as her skin bubbles and smokes. Listen as she shrieks with the pain of double vanilla cupcakey doom!

Then and only then can we rest easy, for the devil will either die, develop diabetes (eventually), or retreat to Alaska, where "coincidentally"- the temperature has been steadily rising ever since Sarah Palin was appointed to public office*. However, if John McCain is elected President, say goodbye the Hand-Puppet, cuz the Devil's a heartbeat away from running the United States (you thought W was bad?).


*fact-check that shit, it's all true.

cupcake whiplash!


Saturday, September 6, 2008

foo fighters, 7/29/08, east rutherford, nj

foo fighters, 7/29/08, brendan byrne arena (the izod center), rutherford, nj

erika and i blew off work early on a tuesday night in july and headed across the border to catch a rock show in jersey. i am retarded and couldn't find any info on the concert as far as what time the show started and if there were any opening acts. this resulted in a shortened pregame in the parking complex and us stumbling into the arena just in time for the first of 2 opening bands. who saw that coming?

year long disaster was pretty okay, it took me a few minutes to get in the mindset of a "rock show". for some reason this one just struck me in a different way than the rock shows i typically find myself at. this was straight up easy-to-digest mainstream arena rock n' roll. it was kinda cool. after a month i can't recall many details about year long disaster, but i have in my notes: great white / soundgarden / southern rock. also, i really wished their drummer would have worn a shirt.

we were good little consumers and bought some beer, water, and pretzels. tempting as it was, i decided against a bacardi silver raz malt liquor. it's one of my few regrets from the night.

supergrass- well, at least i'd heard of them. they were pretty good and put on a good show. my notes say: rush / elvis costello / crowded house / pink floyd / u2. oh, also we decided that supergrass was a cool name for a band ("dude... you know what a cool name for a band would be? ... supergrass.").

foo fighters. well, it's the foo fighters! the foo fighters are just awesome, aren't they? yes. they are bonafide rockstars now and dave grohl is a bonafide frontman- complete with spastic sprints and rockstar poses- good stuff. the stage design was cool, with 4 giant screens constantly shifting position and flashing images of the band and some album artwork/music video footage. i'm not a huge fan of the music video footage behind a band while they are playing live. i think it reinforces said music video into the live music experience where they should usually be kept separate. specifically- i don't need to see the video for 'the pretender' and animated riot police on the big screens- that song is such a balls out angry protest song- let it stand on it's own for fuck's sake! let's ROCK OUT to the performance! but big fat 'WHUT EVS', right?

the first half of the set was set up at the opposite end of the arena to rock shit out. then about halfway through, a small circular stage descended from the ceiling and they did a more acoustical chunk of the set before heading back to the opposite end of the arena. for a mainstream arena rock act, they played a long set, which i totally appreciate.

it was the last show of the tour so dave was a wild man, drunk as fuck, screaming the shit out of his voice, telling some great stories and using the word "fucking" even more than i fucking do, which is fucking saying something. there was a particularly funny story, but i don't remember it, so forget i fucking mentioned anything.

i DO remember that sometime during the foo fighters, i caught a whiff of two distinct smells but both at once, turned to erika and said, "i smell... ketchup... and weed." ? so she looked around, pointed at the guy in front of us eating french fries, "ketchup!" and looked around again, pointed across the aisle from us where a plume of smoke was rising, "weed!" gave myself a nice pat on the back for that one- nose like a hound dog!

as far as people watching goes, this place was top notch. the worst faux-hawk i've ever seen was worn by a 16 year old with a full head of hair but the long mohawk hair much longer and dyed blue- a modern day mullet. a 15 year old sneezed on the back of my arm while i was walking back to the car, it was an unfortunate event. i sped up my pace and doused my arm in baby-wipes to try and rid myself of the disease. oh and there was a 16 year old future stripper wearing a bra and micro mini with a face full of makeup yelling at people for looking at her- ahhhh, jersey.

again, kickass, but over a month ago, so you're not gonna get many more details from me other than i fucking loved the foo fighters live and would definitely see them again. foo fighters, & co., 7/29/08, brendan byrne arena, rutherford, nj: 8.5 HUZZAHS!


gestation of a foodbaby... pt.5

(weeks 22 thru 28)

some would say i've been "slacking" others might use the term "working", either way i've fallen way behind on the bloggy stuff. since my next gig starts in another week or two, i am determined to catch up. currently, i owe: 7 foodbaby posts, 3 music reviews, and have started a real "think-piece" on rvp nominee sarah "nanny 911" palin. so, in the words of the great dana monteith, "let's get down to it."

once again here is your DISCLAIMER: if you're just tuning in now, these are more entries in a series entitled, "gestation of a foodbaby" which follows the development of a fetus that is temporarily living in my friend's body (NOT MINE). please refer to the original entry for the full story.

22 weeks / spaghetti squash
while i much prefer the hearty acorn squash, i have enjoyed many a spaghetti squash in my day. generally, you can't go wrong with a roasted squash on a cold autumn night. what's great about most squashes is that their preparation doesn't really vary too much. halve the thing, throw a tablespoon (or more) of organic butter, a scoop of light brown sugar, and a drizzle of maple syrup into the hollowed cavity- throw it in the oven and roast that baby (pun intended) for about an hour at 425'. magnifico!

the real difference spaghetti squash has over other squashes is that its insides don't mush up into a paste- it separates out into thin "spaghetti"-like strands that you can twirl on a fork and shovel into your mouth (be careful not to burn yourself). spaghetti squash isn't as sweet as acorn squash and so there are plenty of recipes out there to add some variety to your squash meal.

23 weeks / mango
while i enjoy fresh mangos, i'm not a fan of mango-flavored things, like candy or sorbets or that kind of stuff. is that strange? NO!

in most latin neighborhoods in nyc you can find the beautiful and tempting street "mango-on-a-stick" sold at sidewalk stands. typically you can smell the source of these fanciful summertime treats ("nature's candy" if you will) well before you see them. follow your nose (if you can get past the august-y smell of hot urine and mcdonalds)!

24 weeks / ear of corn
fresh corn is yummy. i like grilling mine still in the husk on the bbq- a couple of minutes on each side and it's fucking perfect!

one of my favorite breakfast treats has become the amy's bread corn muffin. it's more like a slightly sweet cornbread than a typical corn muffin, with the texture of the cornmeal and fresh kernels baked right into each little paper cup. holy fuck they're good.

25 weeks / a rutabaga
rutabaga isn't usually one of those vegetables you use to compare the size of things against ("it's about the size of... a rutabaga?"), which makes this fetal growth week laughable. seriously, though... when was the last time you had rutabaga? i can't recall my last encounter either.

what i DO remember is the swedish chef used to have a breakfast cereal called "croonchy stars", they were slightly cinnamon-y, star shaped puffy croonchy goodness (not gross like cinnamon toast crunch). i loved those things. anyways, on the actual box of cereal (i can't find a pic, sorry) were fun games: one of which was to count how many times the word "rutabaga" appeared on the box (and that one didn't count). i vaguely remember on the ingredients list the reassuring words every child wants to read about their beloved breakfast cereal: absolutely no rutabagas.

26 weeks / english hothouse cucumber
an english hothouse cucumber? you know what? no. fuck you and your hothouse cucumbers, england. here in america we grow our own, OUTDOORS, and they don't come shrink wrapped in plastic with smug looks on their faces (also, they have flavor). here's a plain old wonderful garden cuke from this summer, consider this artistic freedom.

27 weeks / cauliflower
omg i fucking love cauliflower. i could eat whole freakin' heads of the damn stuff. it's good. it's great. it's cauliflower!

it's amazing for veggie dip appetizers but it's even better as aloo gobi (gobhi?)- one of mine (and the foodbaby mama's) favorite indian dishes! it's a spiced mixture of cauliflower, potatoes, and if you're lucky, green peas. lots of spices, layers of flavors, stewtastical, hours of flavor. YUM. (i'll bet the babymama is reading this right now getting upset because she is now craving aloo gobhi- SUCKA!).

28 weeks / napa cabbage
i don't really consider cabbage a part of my everyday diet, but i DO like purple (red) cabbage (and put it in my salads) more than regular green cabbage (which i can enjoy in cole slaw). i wasn't sure if i'd ever had napa cabbage, but i looked it up and other names for it are 'chinese cabbage' and 'bok choy'. bok choy is yummy when prepared correctly. though i usually end up leaving the majority of it over in favor of other "real" vegetables (if i've offended you bok choy fans- good). one of the awful little tidbits of knowledge i picked up from researching at vh1 was cabbage-related and that is: sarah michelle gellar occasionally subscribes to the cabbage soup diet- which is she boils cabbage and water (she probably pays someone to do this for her), and subsides on that for long periods of time in order to lose weight and/or stay thin. cabbage soup for long stretches of time will leave your body malnourished and thusly, you'd probably be in a pretty bad mood- couple that with the fact that you stink like cabbage and can't stop offending the people around you with your bodily functions... i'll bet sarah michelle gellar's a real peach to be around.

i would like to again mention my friend (the foodbabymama) enjoys these foodbaby posts immensely, even as dark as some of them have gotten- but when she started forwarding me actual recipes to cook with the placenta- it was my turn to get pretty grossed out. this is no joke- people eat that shit.
so while a placenta lasagna or bolognese sauce might sound gross to any "normal" human being, perhaps this week two worlds collide as i recommend combining placenta and napa cabbage to create some good ol' fashioned placenta stuffed 28 week old fetus cabbage. who needs corned beef? in the words of the rabid rachel ray, "EAT THE WEAK!"